Gaslight

I watched a therapist review of the movie tangled and they talked about glaslighting. It was the first time I ever heard of it but when they explained it I was like well shit that’s my relationship. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that’s seen in abusive relationships. It’s the act of manipulating a person by forcing them to question their thoughts, memories, and the events occurring around them. A victim of gaslighting can be pushed so far that they question their own sanity. So fucked up but this is exactly what my asshole does. The stupidest thing he is willing to argue and argue about after a certain amount of time I start to think he must be right who is willing to argue so long about something so mundane and insignificant if there wrong. I must be wrong I barely even care. Even before that I always doubt myself and unless I’m like overly sure about something I won’t say anything. I have to be beyond positive to say things out loud. So when he argues so passionately about something I eventually just except I’m wrong. I don’t know how my shit relationship got this far. I use to be very independent I had two jobs I paid all my bills I took bus did what I want and talked to who I wanted to. Now jobless can’t go anywhere without him and he acts like I’m incapable of doing anything without him. He acts like my little brain is too small to deal with day to day life. I hate how when I worked people always thought I was some badass who didn’t take anyone’s shit but most days I was barely getting by trying not to cry. Nothing like getting screamed at while getting dropped off at work that breaks you down. When my daughter was first born I worked and he didn’t the entire time. I let him do whatever he wanted he had to stay home with our daughter so if he wanted to go out everyday as soon as I got home that was fine. I never told him he was worthless or doing shit job. I also never disconnected the internet or didn’t pay for his phone bill. But anytime he does he always acts like it’s justified he would have to if I’d listen. I don’t understand how people justify treating people like shit. Every time I was shitty to someone I felt horrible later and it weighted heavy on my mind. Fuck I over think a lot of shit I done or said for years. Any time I ever said something stupid or hurtful. He says things and a second later forgot what he said. I just feel like I give so much and get nothing but pain. Done for now errrr