One of the things I never thought I would feel is resentment for other people. People who don’t get called a fat ass every single day. People who just get to do things without someone telling them there shit and worthless. Seems like every time I leave the house I’m on the verge of tears. How does someone feel treat someone the way he does then just no even think about it. Scream at me as soon as he wakes up. Then just go to work and talk to people about everyday shit. All the times hes called me names and put me down there was only one time he said he was sorry. I made dinner for his mom’s birthday. Later he got mad call me fatass disgusting loser and dinner was fucking gross. Later he sad sorry that dinner was good. Never said anything else about all the other shit he said. How does someone say such horrible things every single fucking time. One time I was upset and said something about his teeth because he has bad teeth. I instantly felt like shit and lucky he already walked away and didn’t hear me. That was one fucking time to deaf ears. He sinks to the lowest every single time. Today he told me I better not be pregnant because I’m a shit mom. Then he continues if I am I better get a fucking abortion. Seems like every day I’m off I just want to do nothing but sleep so I don’t have to deal with him. He keeps saying I love to play the victim and say everyone treats me like shit. Absolutely not no one treats me like he does. Mostly I’m invisible and I’m mainly ok with that. I’m tired of being treated like shit. All I want to do is have a regular life. Where I don’t have ask permission to do things or get treated like a child when he’s mad. The other day he refused to take me to work. He doesn’t let me use the internet. I did laundry at the laundry mat yesterday and he acted like I was being rediculous because I wanted to take my phone. No I don’t want to sit for hours doing nothing. I want to be able to go through out my day without getting screamed at or belittled. I would like to actually show interest in the things I like and not be worried someone is going to shit talk it and tell me how stupid I am for liking it. He seems to find endless amount of things to insult me with lately it’s been I’m old. Even know he’s older than me he’s been saying shit about me being old. I just don’t know how much longer I can deal with it. I’m emotionally and physically exhausted. I try to keep the peace but seems like nothing I do is good. Im just tired of trying. Just feel utterly alone.