Tag: alone

Mornings

Why do mornings always have to suck. If I’m working shits going on. If I’m home this asshole is bitching and wanting to argue about everything. I usually don’t say anything because if I do they last all fucking day. It doesn’t matter what I say because I’m always wrong and he’s always right and I’m horrible person. I woke up and wanted to just run to the store alone for some things but I know if I go I’ll get accused of cheating. And told I’m a shit person. I need milk and we’re really low like fucks sake. I hate you. Make everything little thing I do a huge big fucking deal. Stupid asshole

Does he like this?

Sometimes I feel like this asshole likes making me feel like shit and putting me down. He’ll always argue about the most rediculous things. This morning because we haven’t had sex. Just going on and on how he despises me. Told me to fuck off and die. And many more beyond horrible things. My feelings are more I don’t like you please leave. I don’t want to talk to him or be by him I’m not going to fight or argue I’m just done and want to move on. He shits on everything I like so much and with such enthusiasm it just makes me hate most of my stuff. It’s at the point I don’t want to openly like anything because it’s only a matter of time before he shits on it. I have antique furniture and I loved it so much. But he spent so much time and energy trashing it and telling me how fucking stupid I am for liking what I like I really don’t want most of my stuff anymore. I bought something and right away he’s got to say something. I was very excited and right away crushed. That’s him constantly putting down everything about me, everything I like, and how I am. Real fun

Confused?

This jackass treats me like shit then is shocked I don’t want to spend time with him. Like how the fuck are you shocked. You stupid asshole are you this delusional that you think your being nice when you make me cry. Fuck you, you ass hat of a human being. Go suck a dirty dick you sack of garbage and die.

Shitty so far

Woke up to me getting yelled at for an hour. Was told I was fat, disgusting, lazy, and stupid. Im looking into going to school. But sometimes I just don’t want to do anything but lay in bed. I’m tired of fighting or being yelled at. I barely have the energy to deal with this asshole and then to add school. Then I think I can’t count on him and need to do something that will pay good. I talked to someone from one of the schools and she asked me why I wanted to go to school? Is this a dumb question or is it just me. Like obviously to continue my education to have an actual career and not just a job. What did she think I was going to say I like going into insane debt. Then at same time she acts like I should just jump into it. Like no I’m not going into debt on a whim. She acted like she really couldn’t care less as long as went there. Like it’s a lot of money for a school that might suck. I looked into a nursing school but read so many bad reviews that I’m like idk what’s point if it’s shitty school.

Tls

Feeling endlessly depressed. I have a job interview later but asshole doesn’t want to take me because I wasn’t in the mood. Then I looked at Reddit shit why do you love your spouse. Really not good idea when your in shitty relationship. I was mad at myself for not doing more so I tried to clean and got yelled at for telling my daughter not to mess up what I just cleaned. So I just layed down after that. Being depressed makes me tired. I watched a movie once and the chick told her husband it’s hard for her to hold him and every time he shuts her affection down it hurts. It’s true anytime I try to touch him or hold him or want to cuddle he always acts like he hates it. It just trains you to distance yourself from the other person. Tired lonely and sad.

Lame

I had some interviews recently and thought they went great. I was really excited about just working again. They were not the best jobs but ok jobs. I haven’t heard anything and I like to pretend o whatever they were shit I don’t care. But shit even they didn’t want me they were stupid easy jobs I could do in my sleep but no not good enough for them. Makes me realize how low my self esteem is when I don’t get a shitty job and I’m crushed. All I keep thinking is what did I do wrong and why I wasn’t good enough. I hate that about myself. It’s worst when I look at who they actually hire. When I worked in a factory and applied for the position above me and they gave it to some dumb guy who barely did anything and his way to do his job was to call someone else. I always feel like I have to prove myself.

Future

I had interview the other day and he has to take me he put me down for hour before. Doing nothing but saying I’m a horrible person, shitty mom, I’m gross and a disgrace. Then on car ride somehow he seemed to get meaner and more hurtful. I had to fight back tears the entire ride. Nothing like feeling like crying and attempting to talk to people and pretend like life is great. When I got home I took out trash and I seen someone walking and they started skipping. Made me feel like crying even more. To be so happy in life to skip while your doing some mundane stupid shit. I usually do the mundane shit to keep busy. I’m looking forward to skipping one day hopefully soon.

This fucking guy

You ever dislike someone then they do something and your like shit whole new level of hatred. He continues to make new levels of hatred. First was when he called me fat when I was pregnant. Then came when my daughter was born and told me I was shit mom and thank God my mom wasn’t around to see the shit mom I am. Another time this psycho brought up something that happened a year ago like it was yesterday and fuck if I remember that stupid shit and acted like caught me in lie. See now say something else entirely. Another pretty fucked up thing making me message dirty things so he can masturbate and get off. Some thing he would be making me message would be saying I would like to fuck his friend. His creepy always dirty looking gross lazy selfish friend. Then he would threaten to show everyone when I leave. Including naked photos we took when we got along. Said would send to everyone in my family and at my job. Couple times he refused to take me to work if didn’t “help”. This is when I was the only one working and couldn’t miss any days or would be fired. Before him I would never take off work. With him I use to take off because sometimes I just needed day off of explaining to him who was near me or of people talked to. I’m a huge fucking introvert but apparently as soon as I get to work he thinks I’m going to love small talk with random people. So I would have to explain how far away people were. Because he’s insane.

Get out

Got some things done made dinner then got yelled at for over an hour. Apparently he was upset. He later sent me text saying he was upset we are not having as much sex as we did. Like seriously fuck so stupid. I actually thought there was something wrong no he just ranted and raved and non-stop talked to me like shit cause he was fucking horny. So nice I was feeling like shit and crying because he was horny. He told me I was fat,lazy, and should be embarrassed of the dinner I made because he was fucking horny. He told me to leave like twenty times. I started looking at apartments. I think my old job is bringing back temps and I applied really hope they called. I been looking at other places close to shit place I live. I really can’t count on him giving me rides. I need to learn to drive and get my license but I don’t know how. He makes huge deal when I try and don’t feel comfortable asking anyone else. If I try living in the city I can walk or take bus. I just got to get out of this place.