I had some hope about changing my life but my jackass reminded me he not going to let it happen easily. Already told me not taking me to work. I told him yeah eventually I’m going to move out because I don’t like to feel like I’m hiding shit. I especially don’t like to be accused of it. He’s in other room laughing at funny videos. I just want out of this shit. I fucking hate this. Already exhausted and just want to sleep. So shitty I new he would do this anything he had to stop me from getting away. He’s not working and I’m not working but he doesn’t care he says I should get job working at store I like. I told him I wouldn’t make enough. Just another way of keeping me put. Working a job that would just barely pay my bills. Yeah that’s what I want to do.
Tag: alone
Annoyed
Looking into jobs to get away. Then this asshole got to say shit like your just doing this to get away. So then not going to take me to interview. Takes me and then expects sexual shit like fuck my life. Have interview and said I wanted a certain amount they said ok they usually start off at a little lower but I should be able to get you that. I wait two days and he finally gets back says he can get me less then he mentioned like wtf really. Why even act like my price was an option then just say o here’s less than I mentioned. Then he acted like I should be happy about it. He said in 90 days go up to closer to what I wanted. I don’t know if I should take or not. I only went with this place because I wanted job right by were I live and he got shit farther away and less money. Just another time a person just completely ignores what I say.
Support
Do you ever get really excited about an idea. You think of your idea all day making mental notes and working out a plan. Then you finally tell someone and they install shit on it. Well that’s what my life sucking asshole does every time. I’m still some what lost in my plans for a solid career. But anytime I’ve ever showed interest in something he’s always right there to shit on it or squash it. I thought about photography because I love taking photos of this right away he shuts down and tells me I need to look into something to make money. Ok I thought about catering I enjoy cooking and good at planning and think I can do it. Again shit on it quickly tells me he doesn’t think it would work. I even think of the police right away he doesn’t think they would hire me cause I’m a girl. Ok other ideas outside of careers I want to put up table and wrap people’s presents for free just something nice to do. No right away shit on it people are going to accuse you of stealing. Another time I wanted to volunteer at a animal shelter ok says good idea. I go to meeting still good go to intro day finish that and on way home says idk when your going to be able to do this I’m so busy. Ok that ones not entirely on him I was working shit job at time and guy there also volunteered. But he started really creeping me out asking way personal questions and looking me up online. Either way I was real creeped out and didn’t want to risk running into him. Thought about doing at another one not as close. I try to always support him and his ideas. Why can’t he just pretend to like my ideas. Like fuck you can’t make an effort.
Watching tv
Ok I am rarely alone and rarely get to sit around and actually pay attention to a show I want to watch. But today my daughter was asleep and asshole fell asleep. So I was able to watch what I wanted without someone elses whiny comments that they hate it it’s old and stupid. I watched the first episode of columbo and shit I loved it. Just being alone being able to talk out loud and eat popcorn without someone’s bitchy complaints. It was heaven I loved it. I really can’t wait to do it again. I can watch things with my daughter but she’s always asking question after question. I love that she wants to know but sometimes she needs to go away. This asshole always cries I watch same shit over and over again. I watch it because I love it. He will watch anything just to watch something then when over remember nothing about it. I have probably rewatched Murder she wrote ten times. Some episodes I’m sure I’ve seen thirty times. I love it I like how she’s a badass and does what she wants. I like making fun of it because they never have any real evidence. I love the episodes in Cabot cove. It’s my favorite show and I like watching it but every time I do I have to hear someone bitch about it. Then he likes to pretend he’s being generous when letting me watch it right before he leaves. This man will put on show then take a bath and if I change it he will bitch. Fuck you I choose Murder she wrote over you. No hesitation at all.
Alone
Sitting alone not really in mood for anything. Ate some milk and cookies. Because I’m santa and also because I don’t want them to go bad. I don’t like wasting anything. Food, fabric, time anything. I have most of a twenty pound turkey to do something with. Thinking turkey soup but I’m not really a fan of turkey. I hate to waste anything but my life suck/ asshole he waste anything. My daughter doesn’t want to eat the huge plate of food she had to have throw it away. He doesn’t put away rest of pizza whatever just throw it away. My daughter spills on her shirt just throw it away why try to clean it. Just another thing about him I hate. It’s so spoiled to just throw useful things away. People have hard time feeding there families but whatever just waste as much food as you want apparently. I used to pack my leftovers for lunch at work. They always tasted great and I would of never of ate if had other options. Made him lunch before he would just waste it all. anytime I make him anything or do anything for him he always has a but. It was good but needed salt. Meat was delicious but carrots needed cooked longer. Made him facemask with vw logo on it he said he likes it but it’s a little small. I asked him to put on before I finished to made sure it fit. Why does he always have to complain or put down things I do. Sometimes I feel like his shitty way to make me feel like everything I do isn’t good enough.
I don’t know if people like me adding photos or not. I don’t know. Sometimes I like other
Then there’s times I’ll make new recipes. Most of the time he won’t even try them. He just says I won’t like it. Even my five year old tries things. He basically eats like picky bratty child. Mainly because he is a picky bratty man child.
F you
The lack of concern of this asshole is rediculous. I feel like if he was mad and I was dying he would just tilt his head look at me and in condensending voice say should of listened to me shouldn’t you. Someone one asked about me leaving him. Of course I want to leave him but when I do I have to have everything ready. I have to have money backup money. Someone to watch her a backup person and another backpack person because he will go out of his way to make my life hard. Hes going to tell me it’s stupid to move out I could live with him and save up money. Like living with him is such fun. Then when he realizes it’s not going to happen he’s going to tell me he won’t help me move. Then most likely accuse me of having random men around my daughter. I’m so tired of being near him.
Fuck resolutions
Year is almost over all I can think is fuck I’m still with this asshole. I don’t make new years resolutions but always in the back of my mind think not going to be with this asshole life suck much longer. And look about to go on seven fucking years. I never know how the fuck I lasted this long. Some days aren’t that bad other days are agonizingly horrible. I was so hopeful last year after I got my job I loved. I was dreaming about getting my own place and leaving. I would fantasize daily about everything I was going to do. I was going to work overtime or get second job on weekends so I could save up for a house. I was going to change my hair. Start dressing in dresses like I always wanted to. I still tried doing this but when someone calls you fat in pretty dress you really feel low again and don’t want to wear it anymore. I was thinking of getting a dog. I can’t have a cat my daughter is allergic. So was finally going to get us a dog she wants one so bag and so do I. But nothing happened this year is just the same as the last year. I’m lonely depressed and even more hopeless than before.
Life suck
I think everyone has a little life suck in there life. Shitty things or people that make your life suck a little or a lot. My life suck decided to wake up in his usual shit mood. Before him I liked most of my life. I worked with people I got along with. I didn’t really like them but we got along and they thought we were friends so it worked. I got along with my family. I had a dog and two cats life was good. Now I barely talk to family I don’t have dog or cat and have no jobs. I’m lonely and depressed. No one to talk to about anything. But that’s kinda the same I’m a very private person and don’t like to confide in anyone about anything. But the freedom is what I really miss. I used to think it was because I had a daughter but honestly it’s not. It’s my life suck sucking the life out of me and leaving me hollow.
Shit life is exhausting
Every time after an argument with my asshole I’m exhausted and upset and just want to hide and be alone. But him he watches funny movie, goes to visit his friends and does whatever he wants to do. Today he just takes our daughter and leaves to go idk where hopefully just to see his mom but who knows not me. I’m a big believer in noone is winning in a argument. The very fact that it got that fart that your talking down to people and making them this upset that they cry themselves to sleep is bad. Yet it always seems like he won. He’s always willing to argue about anything until he thinks he won. Never after an argument is he upset or in tears he just go on with his day. I hate how he’s the only one with endless freedom. He can spend what he wants on anything. He can leave at anytime or come home at anytime. If he wants to do anything he just does it. I’m allowed to cook what I want as long as he likes it. I get third degree when I take out garbage. I didn’t think my life was that great before I meet him but now I think how stupid I was to give it away. In the beginning I just always thought Im not used to being with someone and can’t be selfish so I would but his needs ahead of mine. Now everything is about what he wants. He got me absolutely nothing for Christmas and he kept making the excuse that he was broke. But Christmas doesn’t pop up on random day you knew was coming. It’s not a surprise. Before Christmas he was able to buy rediculous little robot for basically himself, always had shit to smoke, and went out to eat multiple times. Not one time did he look at something to get me or ask what I would want. He did same thing with his mom I tried so hard to make sure to get her things she would like and make her things she hopefully liked. And he just thought about shit on Christmas Eve after he got his shit.
Equally shit day
He can’t stop talking down to me. Really hate he’s got to try and use my daughter against me. Always saying shit in front of her. I fucking ask him every damn time I don’t care how upset you fucking are don’t say shit in front of your kid. It’s not fucking hard. But must be hardest thing in the world for him not to bad mouth me in front of my daughter, my family, people I work with. He can’t not say sexual shit in front of people or my daughter either. Like always shows an absolute zero amount of respect he has for anyone other than himself. I’m tired of avoiding some asshole in place I live. Don’t think of it as a home cause he’s constantly telling me to leave. He use to call me fat everyday now he’s moved on to telling me to get out of his house and I’m a fatass. So yeah really having great times. I been looking at jobs. Hard to find some for third shift. I just want away. Tired of being here. Tired of being by someone who purposely trys to provoke me and drag out shit for hours. Why does someone seem to get joy out of treating me shitty. He always seems satisfied that me made me upset and cry. I just want to be left alone. I’m not asking alot to not be watched on camera in the place I live. I’m about to cry and he’s cracking jokes in other room about me yelling so cops will come. Tired of feeling completely trapped and at any time he completely destroy the shitty life I have.
shit life 