Fuck where should I start. Ok I had alot of things I needed to do. I had to finish dress for my daughter. Finish gifts for my mother in law. Cook Christmas Eve dinner which was basically Christmas dinner but day before so could do with my dad. I also need to wrap the last of the presents and clean my daughter’s room. This asshole plan was to do nothing and go see a friend. He fucks around and waits till I already put turkey in oven for over two hours and decides he’s got to go now. So I ask him to stop and pick up shit for stocking stuffers. He then tells me I can go if I want it he’s not going to get and if I don’t go not happening. He then tells me I’m shitty Mom for not going. I already know he’s going to be gone at least two hours and I need to start the sides. I can’t fucking leave while I got turkey in oven. Im still doing things for Christmas and this asshole leaves to fuck around. Not only does he wait until the weather turns to shit he also takes my daughter like he’s doing me a favor. Another shit part is he gets her fast food while out. So when they finally get home and dinner is done they don’t eat anything. I’m not being dramatic like they made small plate they ate nothing. Like are you fucking kidding me. I made turkey,gravy, mashed potatoes, broccoli,cheese sauce and stuffing. Me and my dad ate and I thought they would eventually eat something but no ate nothing. Didn’t help me do anything. Not cleaning or putting away the food I made which was most of it because I made alot thinking we would all eat. So now I have most of a twenty pound turkey left and basically 90% of the food I made left. I waited till my daughter was asleep to put out presents I thought he would help but no couldn’t do that either. I asked him to grab a gift card or something from the store for my dad he got nothing. I made his mom four Christmas placemats, two Christmas hanging towels, four more placemats and two towels to match, I also painted some wood ornaments for her and decorated with family photos. Then I also bought her a Nora Flemming salt and pepper set and two ceramic decorations that go with it which was around $60. I don’t have alot of money and I really tried this year to make it a nice Christmas for his mom, him and our daughter. So yeah just another heart breaking day of no appreciation and being alone with people around. Not really looking forward to tomorrow. I splurged and bought myself some perfume I always wanted but didn’t want to spend the money on which is fucked because it was $35. O yeah also got his mom a gift card for restaurant for $50 so yeah really fucked up. Fuck the holidays.
Tag: alone
Lame
Yeah my schedule is messed up. Fucking great loved waking up early. Got so much done. Now nothing did some shit yesterday but barley anything in comparison to days woke up early. I’m trying to look at jobs not very limited opportunities when you need to work around a child and someone else schedule. Keep showing jobs far away even when I narrow search. Seen something I would love but then noticed was two hours away. I’ve thought of moving away but two hours I feel is to far and cause more drama and problems. This asshole changed the wifi password so I’m using all my data. At least I have phone before he would just turn off to punish me. My sister talks about us living together I’m contemplating it. But very unsure. I want to get away but I don’t know about living with someone. I don’t want to feel like I have to clean up after everyone or watch someone’s child. It doesn’t matter really for now because I need to get a job and my driver’s license. Yeah I don’t have one actually hard to get when no one is willing to teach you. All my asshole does is scream at me. When we drive he’s very perticular about windows and heat and music so I never touch anything cause he’ll just freak out. So I don’t know where anything is. I can open windows but im not good at remembering wipers or lights. The last time I drove was two months ago when tried getting my driver’s license and failed. Before my test he told me what’s the point your going to fail. So yeah fun. Before that I drove some but not really a lot. He always just ends up screaming at me and I’m not in the mood to deal with that. Yeah that’s the story of how where still together I just don’t do things he doesn’t like so I don’t have to deal with him freaking out. Even know he freaks out about everything.
Disappointing
So basically did absolutely nothing all day. Avoiding this asshole. There was so much I wanted and needed to do. But he was in mood and better to do nothing then deal with his endless rants of how much I suck. In days like this it always seems like no matter what I do he’s not happy. I do dishes he complains I’m not cleaning living room. I switch to do that and he yells at me for bothering him and being in the way. So far way behind in things that need done before Christmas. Doesn’t help I keep adding more things to do but I always do that. I been making homemade quesadillas and shit there so good. Want some tomorrow but low to no cheese so probably make something else. Need to get game plan and bust shit out. Complain later
Emotionally exhausted
Just wanted to chill and take it easy build up to doing stuff. But this asshole has to be in a mood. He’s watching a movie and I’m in my room watching videos. So basically the same shit but different rooms. But apparently that makes me a shitty Mom and lazy cause I’m not out. When he’s home it’s usually me doing stuff I need to do or me avoiding him. I don’t understand why he always wants to know everything I do. He does whatever I don’t ask and I shouldn’t have to explain every fucking thing I do. Then he acts like I’m the one controlling what he does. This asshole was supposed to take our daughter to store yesterday to buy toy he promised. Yet what does he do he gets his mom to do it and just let’s his mom watch her. Doesn’t even tell me she’s going to her grandma. Like what the fuck I didn’t even say goodbye. I say this shit and just says your fault you weren’t up. I was up I thought you were going to the store. Every fucking time I ask him to stop somewhere while he’s out acts like how dare I ask him to do shit for me. Yeah I’m the only one who is going to eat the food. I made dinner every day this week and yesterday I wasn’t feeling good and wanted food out I ask him to pick up Chipotle not pay for it just stop and get as he drives by. But no asking to much he’s not doing anything for me what have I done for him. I told him cook, clean, teach our daughter. He acts like it’s nothing he wants sexual shit. I have little to no interest in anything sexual with him. I don’t understand how he expects it and treats me the way he does. He calls me fatass and gross but I’m expected to suck his dick. Yeah fuck no asshole. Then he acts like if I don’t do shit he’ll find chick who would. Wow ok I don’t want to be with him but thought that seven fucking years of being together he had some kind of loyalty. I don’t know why I would think that he absolutely no respect for me. Every time I try to leave he makes shit ton of threats. He’s going to get my daughter taken away. Its hard to see a end in sight when every time I try to make an escape plans life fucks them up or him. Another to be continued
Ok what the fuck I’m still fucking awake. Non-stop thinking about fucking everything and anything. So figured my family kinda selfish, asshole is a asshole and inconsiderate, the bs friends I had sucked always. Also fuck my family goes for shitty people. Like we pick shitty people they treat us shitty and we have disappointing life of shitty times. Fuck when I stay up late thinking this is what happens. I fucking over think everything and regret every decision I’ve ever made. I mean I already regret everything but usually I’m not thinking of other shit. Other day I reminded asshole how I don’t want to be with him. As soon I said it I regretted it. Why who fucking knows he treats me like shit and never considers me. Yet I felt bad I should of kept to myself I know I don’t want to be with him I don’t need to shove in his face. I fucking hate it I reget everything and way over think. My dad’s birthday other day and I knew and remembered and seen him but I can’t say happy birthday to him I don’t know it’s too personal and I’m weird about saying shit. If you had birthday when I knew you I remembered but just never said anything cause I didn’t think we were close enough to say shit. Yeah fucking weirdo I know. Was one guy I work with I knew his birthday was coming up was probably only person I ever said happy birthday to without someone else saying it first. I even hugged him and I’m not a hugger. I basically only hug my daughter and nieces and nephews. Miss that guy always talked to me like person. It was nice. I always feel like got shitty life because something I’ve done. To be continued……
Fucking shit
Ok let’s me bitch about home schooling. Nothing like going over shit for hole page and she does it correctly the entire time until she gets to the last question. I don’t know how many times she has completely forgotten everything we done. I swear sometimes she acts like she’s completely clueless unless im giving her all of my attention. It’s so aggravating dealing with her some times. Really didn’t help her father tell her she doesn’t have to listen to me. Who would of fucking thought telling a child to not to listen to her mother would fucking not help. Sweet baby fuck one of the stupidest shit he’s said to her. She used to do her school work everyday no problem. Now like fucking nightmare some days. And absolutely no surprise he doesn’t try to get her to do anything after saying such stupid shit. I have to say every fucking thing like seven times to get anyone to hear anything. They hear nothing unless I yell then bitch I yell. Fuck I got to say shit seven times and then yell. Listen the first time. Shit
Didn’t last long
Got woken up at one in the morning and already messed up my sleep. Hopefully will go back but I don’t have much hope of it. I worked nights for about four years I loved it not being a morning person. The entire time I worked first shift I hated it I couldn’t get enough sleep. The shitty thing is I always blame myself. I told my sister about it and anytime I tell anyone about anything it always gets messed up. Talked about how much I love my job bam get laid off. Talk about a promotion my supervisor wants to give me bam she quit and other person in charge is utterly oblivious to anything. I really don’t like talking about anything to people as soon as I do it’s like I just got to get shit on and put in my place. It could be the littlest stupidest shit but as soon as I mention it something happens and falls apart. Errrrrr the annoyance i just never get excited anymore even when I went on vacation I kept thinking something was going to ruin it.
Love these
I don’t care how old I get I fucking love these lunchables. I probably will always eat them. There are just some things from your childhood that really stick with you. Food wise this is one of mine. You ever go back to some show you used to watch when you were younger and absolutely hate it. I tried watching Austin Powers and that shit is beyond terrible. Honestly rewatching sex and the city is hard like fuck you Carrie. Go Miranda she’s a badass and love Steve. Even know I usually don’t like people named Steve. I’m a big believer of names usually tell the person character. Like most Nick’s Mike’s are assholes. Brittany is an annoying person. Nicole’s don’t give a shit. Smores are still good but so sweet I can only eat one. I don’t know but lately I been wanting to change things in my life. I thought only little changes for the better but the more I think the more I’m like fuck that I want to change most everything about my life. My car,move,go to school, maybe different state or out of America.
Woke up to another shitty day
Woke up after working all day making my daughter pj pants I made her two pair and six pairs for my niece. Was excited to keep working on new things and get yelled at that I’m lazy and he hates my fat ass. Yeah so that’s my morning. Rewatching arrested development to put in better mood. It’s halarious and nice to know not only person with shitty family.
Lovely
Nothing like trying to quitely listen to music when your depressed. Then your asshole in other room blast music he knows you really don’t like. Just lovely. Completely oblivious to how I feel about anything. Again I suck at spelling. Fucking American schools.
shit life 