Shit relationship

Every damn time it happens I’m someone suprised yet also expecting it. I just took my daughter to a class and we got food and we’re going to go to a park to eat and play. We get to park and it’s gravel parking lot with no lines and no other cars. He pulls in then has to back in for some reason. I just just park already and he instantly gets mad and puts me down. Calling me fat ass and saying he’s ready to leave. I just sit down and start eating. He continues to put me down my daughter finishes her fries and goes and plays on playground. I make sure the slides are dry and hug her and go back to eating. He then starts saying I’m using my child as a pawn. What kind of fucked up person thinks this of the person there with. What the fuck is wrong with him. Apparently me hugging my daughter before she plays is me using her as a pawn. I really loathe that he has to say this in front of her. I hate him having absolutely no respect for me or my feelings. No respect no respect at all.

I don’t have respect or love just a relationship

Permanently depressed

I am in a perpetual state of on edge of tears. Haven’t cryed yet but always feel like I’m I guess overwhelmed. I just feel emotionally exhausted. I always want to do so much then get put down and end up doing nothing. We went on a family run which was so fun. But even when were having fun exercising as a family he has to put down everything I do. I run slow, I have bad form, I think we should go look at water after no he said no, then I say we should play on playground after because she’s being good and listening. No he doesn’t want that. I usually do what he wants. But fuck if I want to do something I shouldn’t get scolded like a fucking child. Like today I got yelled at like a child then he turned off the wifi so I would have to use my data. My phone has like no data an sucks. So yeah really bullshit getting yelled at and having something taken away like a child. Fuck you asshole never have I done that to you. Fucking asshat

Narcissistic personality disorder .A disorder in which a person has an inflated sense of self-importance.Narcissistic personality disorder is found more commonly in men. The cause is unknown but likely involves a combination of genetic and environmental factors. Ok I woke up this morning and got screamed at for about two hours. There is nothing he won’t say. Nothing that is off limits. I been done with this god awful relationship for so long. But it keeps fucking going I just want to be able to leave. Leave without worrying he’s going to show up at my job harrasing people. That he’s not going to try and put every intamate thing we’ve done on the internet. I don’t want to have to worry about coming home to everything I own destroyed. I just want to leave and never deal with him again. I’m just tired of pretending everything is good and I want to be with him. I’m tired of getting put down and feeling miserable. The days I’m off work I’m usually getting screamed at and talked down too. Then when im working all I don’t do anything because I’m working 12 hour days and it kicks my ass. Then I come home and have to deal with his ass. Asking me to make him food asking what we’re going to do. I’m tired of my whole life revolving around him. Everything I do is about him shopping for him. Making food he wants to eat. Going to places with him. I’m tired of it.

New

I hate being new. Everyone acts like your not there or like your stupid. Sorry I don’t actually know something you’ve never told me. Idk how it was way back when. But every damn job I get no one wants to do any training. They act like you should just figure it out or already know this specific job. Really people.

Mark it

Mark it peeps first poop at my job. Yeah I know I’m weird. But I don’t like pooping at work. I got a lot of weird shit. I don’t like eating in front of strangers. I won’t wear new things around people. I don’t like to talk about things I like unless we are very close. Very close as in we knew each other for years. My last job didn’t know I had children when I worked there for years. I just don’t like sharing information with random people. And idk where this logic came that we work together so we should share our private life umm no you still completely fucking random. Like they so selective with the shit people they hiring. I’ve have people tell me there life store on there first day. Honestly ok bit much considering I forgot your name already. I hate name tags but i need them because I will not remember your name. Maybe if I said it everyday I’d get but if I meet you couple times that shits getting forgotten. I worked with people for years and don’t know there names. If I don’t work with you one on one I won’t know it. Not trying to be rude just really bad at names. Yet I also don’t care. I care about doing my job couldn’t give two shits about the drama that always seems to be happening. Tired rambling on. O also if I don’t know your name I’ll most likely give you nick name relating to way you act or dress. Talking about you raggedy tighty whites grown man wearing underwear falling apart fucking buy some that’s not attractive. Or how about dude who is completely clueless about his job but in his little mind thinks he knows his shit yeah your dumbass. Motherfucker trying to fix a machine with a hammer.

Getting things started

Why is it getting started so annoying long. What happened to the times where you wanted to do something like go to school or get job you basically just had to walk in the door. Getting a job is making a resume no one’s going to look at. Applying to a hundred places and maybe get three call backs. Where they ask you about your resume they clearly didn’t read. Then put down all of your experience and act like your a horrible person for leaving a shit job. Or good forbid you leave without giving notice. That’s bullshit I was getting harassed and told management and they acted like I was being dramatic so I quit that. or another job just telling me I’m going to get a promotion and dick me around for months then randomly give it to someone else after I was basically doing the job. They don’t deserve notice. Another thing is so many places act like we should be insanely loyal to some shit place constantly screwing there employees. Fuck you think I have to be loyal to do my job properly. Get the fuck out of here.

Unsure

I’m always so unsure of what I want to do. I got a job thank God. But know I’m thinking about going to school and I don’t know if I should go to a community college or a trade school. A community college I think would be cheaper in the end and I would be able to transfer credits. Why the hell don’t they actually tell you about this shit in school. Or tell you about options in school. All I new was college. I never thought about going because my family was broke as fuck and I didn’t know there was other options. It’s one of the many ways schools were letting us down. They also need to emphasize how to properly pick a career. In my school it was basically just do whatever not talk about if it’s suitable, if your going to be able to actually find a job, and what are schooling options. I could bitch forever about American schools they suck. I’ll complain about another time.

Why

I been working on something. I started off very excited but idk the farther I get with it the more I hate it. It looks terrible. I hate it but I keep working on it hopping it’s going to turn out ok. I really don’t think I’m going to like it when it’s over. It’s like the second thing I made for myself. I usually make things for other people. But this time I was like fuck everyone else and I’m making something for myself. I keep thinking it will get better then I look at it and I’m like I fucking hate you. I added something special and I still hate it. Im going to finish it and see how I feel. I really don’t think I’ll keep it. I’ll probably take it apart. Idk yet

Mornings

Why do mornings always have to suck. If I’m working shits going on. If I’m home this asshole is bitching and wanting to argue about everything. I usually don’t say anything because if I do they last all fucking day. It doesn’t matter what I say because I’m always wrong and he’s always right and I’m horrible person. I woke up and wanted to just run to the store alone for some things but I know if I go I’ll get accused of cheating. And told I’m a shit person. I need milk and we’re really low like fucks sake. I hate you. Make everything little thing I do a huge big fucking deal. Stupid asshole

This morning

So far been train wreck. I’m at work and everything is fucking up. Kitchen running with skeleton crew. I mean like barely getting shit out. New people who don’t know about. Everything happening at once. Just overall shit. These are the days that make or break people. Someone was already ready to leave.