I’m kind of sick of people at the moment. I’m tired of people shoving shit in my face. Yet again I come back to the fact I don’t like living with other people. I absolutely cannot trust people with shit. Not even with the smallest of shit. Do I have high expectations or standards. I really don’t think so. I really don’t expect much from people. I share the absolute minimum I need to. One thing they don’t disappoint on is making me feel like shit. I just want to be alone for a bit. People I seem to be around are never worth it. Tired of people not respecting me. I’m tired of people thinking they know what’s better for me. I’m tired of people saying there different then my ex and do all the same things. I don’t care if your upset thats no excuse to put me down. Fuck your apologies they mean nothing when you do it over and over again. He just seems to be full of empty gestures. Tired need to pack for day.
Tag: asshole
I hate
I hate that I always have to be the responsible person. I always have to plan. I always have to make sure things got done. I hate that my daughter will be so understanding and caring for her father. Then when it comes to me my daughter is harsh, mean, and just terrible. I was teaching my daughter something because her dad isn’t good at those kinds of things. When we were done she talked about how she is smarter then me. Like what the actual fudge. Sometimes I honestly can’t stand her. I make a point to not say negative things about her father around her. But he on the other hand has no problem saying shit to her about me. I’m tired of trying to give her everything and her treating me like shit. I’m emotionally drained and keep thinking of just going on the road.
Season people
Some people are just not worth it. It’s depressing to think like that but it’s true. Some people are not worth it you care about them are interested in there life. You help them with there issues but in the end just a waste of time. It’s like the saying there are people in your life for a season, a reason, or for life. So far seems like most of the people I have been around have been season people. Just a bunch of people who are not worth it. I’m someone who cares alot about the people I associate with. If your my friend I will give up everything for you. If I’m in a relationship with you then you mean the world to me. I know who I am and I’m not going to change and don’t want to. I love and care with all my heart and I’m done with people who can’t do the bare minimum. So good luck season people. I’m out. Peace.
shit friend
I recently connected with an old friend. We have known each other for over ten years. I was so excited to talk to them and spend time with them. This is probably the fifth time we were supposed to hangout and they just blew me off. At this point I really don’t see the point in saying anything. I was so excited to talk to him about things. Get his input and thoughts on things. Just a complete waste. I don’t see the point. It seems to happen any time I get excited for something. This is why I just don’t. I know better. I know to expect it to be shitty. Just lame.
ok this is random
but what the fuck. This mother chucker tell me I’m too much. Of all the shit my ex told me. This new ass telling me I’m too much hurt alot. I don’t know if it’s because he’s not my ex and I was trying so hard for him to feel how I cared about him. I’m hurt but also pissed. Like fuck you yeah I love holding your hand, and spending lots of time together, and I like sex. Is someone really going to complain about that. Who doesn’t love unconditional love. Like I’m sorry but are you kidding me. I did nothing but give and asked for nothing in return. I was making him things I’m not sure I’m going to actually see him again. I really just want to mail them to him. Then I think that’s shitty and I shouldn’t do that. But honestly so far I’m sticking to it and cutting contact. This is what he said he wanted in a relationship someone who he can rely/depend on, someone who is caring, funny, basically Someone who is there for me. But honestly I’m the only one who seems to want this. He says he shows his love by touch but I’m the one doing all the touching and always wanting hugs and cuddles. I just want someone who does what they say. Stop blowing smoke up my ass.
don’t you change your damn mind
Don’t you change your damn mind. You know this is the right decision. Don’t change it because you like his cuddles. Fuck that bullshit. Don’t you dare be with someone who is going to say one thing and do another. He fucking choose to play a God damn game over hanging out with you. What kind of bullshit is that. You deserve better. You are willing to give him everything least he can fucking do is choose you over a damn game. Fucking stupid. No your not asking alot. Stop being ridiculous. You don’t mind watching him play but that’s not good enough so fuck that shit and move on. He can have his fucking game. Bit I’m watching you I’m serious don’t change your mind. Random thoughts for myself.
fuck this
What the fuck. Is this person serious. Person was supposed to come over and hangout. I made him his favorite cake because I wanted to do something nice. He comes over to spend the night hangs out for like an hour then says he has to do something for his family. Ok I ask If I can go because I want to do anything with him as long as I can spend time with him. He says no. Then he says by time he’s done doing it he would just want to go home. Ok whatever then. He tries cuddling again and I tell him he can just go. He then messages me to say sorry he pissed me off. No I wasn’t pissed off. I was hurt. I thought he wanted to spend time. All he did was come over we had sex and he left. So yeah I feel pretty stupid. If that’s all you want then say that. I actually want to spend time with people I like. Honestly I’m pretty done with the situation. I don’t want to feel like I’m forcing someone to spend time with me. I don’t want someone who thinks I’m too much. Or can’t handle something they asked for. I’m also done with the limbo bullshit. I’m done listening to what people say instead of there actions. Because his actions show that I’m just a random distraction. Fuck that shit. I’m pulling the eject switch and distancing myself from this bullshit. Also fuck you acting like I’m alot. I give everything I can. I do as much as I can. I also show them how much I care if you want some fucking ice queen go find one. I’m going to find someone worthy of my love and attention. Someone who is grateful for it. Fucking bullshit. I’m gone
what am I doing
thoughts are all over the place. I can feel myself putting up a guard and self sabotaging. I like him alot but was going to tell him I need time. Then I buy him bunch of random shit online. Like what the fuck. I can see him Thursday but decide to spend time with someone else. Ok let me be real because I don’t really want him or anyone to read this. I can really see something for us. But I push him away and spend time with someone else. Ok I know why I’m doing it. Honestly because he actually spends time and wants too. He loves to cuddle. I like him but don’t see a future like I do the other guy. I don’t always make sense. Shit most of the time I don’t make any. I was tired and what do I do stay up all night. I’m watching a movie that makes me cry and I’m getting emotional. Also making dumb decisions. I want to just stay home and cuddle but I also feel like being impulsive and going to him. I’m tired of waiting for other people. I like him and want to see him. But I also think if he really wanted to he would. Sick of men acting like I don’t know why I’m single. Maybe it’s because you can’t even make the smallest of efforts. I want someone who’s going to treat me right make me feel amazing and special. But then I also feel like just taking anything and being with them. I’m a giver and an unconditional lover either way. I nonstop think about the person I’m with and do anything I can to make them happy. Plus I accept people for who they are I’m not in a relationship with someone to change them I’m with them because I enjoy them. I know I need to focus more on me but I honestly love the fact that I’m like that. I just need someone who’s going to appreciate it and treat me like they actually care about me. Sleep now more later. It’s all random shit anyway.
searching
I feel like I’m searching for something that doesn’t exist. A fantasy or fantom of my imagination. Or perhaps a lost item long forgotten lingering in far off distant unforseen land. I been alone for a long time. Mostly I’m ok with it. But it’s those rare moments that it’s unbearable. The moments seem to becoming more and more. I find myself longing for someone and something that will never happen and only be realized in a dream. It seems like everytime I feel brave enough and think someone is special enough to let in. They take one look around and head for the door. I keep acting like I don’t know what I’m doing with all my horrible life decisions lately. But deep down I know exactly what I’m doing. Trying to find just one person to accept and want me. I guess I need to change my strategy. I honestly want to give up. Utterly heart breaking to be thrown away without a second thought. I made a huge mistake and regret it. I look back and all I feel is disgust. All the things I let go, the way he treated me, the way he made me feel. What is wrong with me. I don’t want to have any communication at all with him. But hard now I long for a connection. For the feel of someone’s arms wrapped around mine holding me close. Feel beyond emotional lately. I been bottling up everything for so long. When I actually do let them out it’s this massive wave of hurt and pain hitting me all at once. I feel like I’m becoming more and more pathetic. I constantly beg my Lil alien to spend time with me. He says he wants to but also seems to be more distant. Seems most of what I say falls of deaf ears. It’s heartbreaking when your trying to share something and the response you receive is yeah. Did you even read it because you wouldn’t be saying that. I want someone to just hold me. Not try to do or say anything just hold me. But until that time I will continue to bundle myself in my blankets.
saboteur
Pretty fucking sure I self sabotage any potential relationships. I absolutely don’t trust people. But then again should I. Basically a fucking stranger. Am I just supposed to basically trust a stranger. Am I supposed to build trust. People lie and hide things for a long time. I want to believe people when they tell me things. But then I think why the hell would I. I was having a good night the other night then someone randomly messaged and said some off the wall shit. Then not even twenty minutes later someone else tells me some off the wall shit. Ok yes one was my ex and he never seems to be finished trying to hurt me. And yes I’m going to make an excuse for the other one he was drunk. Apparently wasted but either way the fuck. Just feel like people have no respect for me. What am I doing that people don’t give a shit about me. Random I think I’m done with people talking to me like shit. Especially on the fucking guise of a joke. Fuck that shit. I deserve more than that. Yes maybe I’m a little messy and not good at finishing one thing before I go on to another. But I know I’m kinda great. Especially in a relationship. I’m a person that gives all I can, loves unconditionally, and constantly tries to make the person I’m with happy. I’m done fucking around so post this random shit.
shit life 