I’m kind of sick of people at the moment. I’m tired of people shoving shit in my face. Yet again I come back to the fact I don’t like living with other people. I absolutely cannot trust people with shit. Not even with the smallest of shit. Do I have high expectations or standards. I really don’t think so. I really don’t expect much from people. I share the absolute minimum I need to. One thing they don’t disappoint on is making me feel like shit. I just want to be alone for a bit. People I seem to be around are never worth it. Tired of people not respecting me. I’m tired of people thinking they know what’s better for me. I’m tired of people saying there different then my ex and do all the same things. I don’t care if your upset thats no excuse to put me down. Fuck your apologies they mean nothing when you do it over and over again. He just seems to be full of empty gestures. Tired need to pack for day.
Tag: bad
I hate
I hate that I always have to be the responsible person. I always have to plan. I always have to make sure things got done. I hate that my daughter will be so understanding and caring for her father. Then when it comes to me my daughter is harsh, mean, and just terrible. I was teaching my daughter something because her dad isn’t good at those kinds of things. When we were done she talked about how she is smarter then me. Like what the actual fudge. Sometimes I honestly can’t stand her. I make a point to not say negative things about her father around her. But he on the other hand has no problem saying shit to her about me. I’m tired of trying to give her everything and her treating me like shit. I’m emotionally drained and keep thinking of just going on the road.
Im ridiculous
Why am I so anxious about working tomorrow. Just stressed and freaking out. It’s ridiculous. I’m being a complete ass to my boyfriend. What is wrong with me. Errrr what the hell. Stop the shit and go. I’m going that’s it. I’m going to set alarms go to sleep and wake up for a new day. Make that money. Ok let’s do this.
shit friend
I recently connected with an old friend. We have known each other for over ten years. I was so excited to talk to them and spend time with them. This is probably the fifth time we were supposed to hangout and they just blew me off. At this point I really don’t see the point in saying anything. I was so excited to talk to him about things. Get his input and thoughts on things. Just a complete waste. I don’t see the point. It seems to happen any time I get excited for something. This is why I just don’t. I know better. I know to expect it to be shitty. Just lame.
What am I doing
I have so many thoughts. So many ideas. I want to plan to do so many things. I’m feeling so down and so unsure of everything. I’m not in the mood to do anything. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Seems like depression but I’m not even thinking about the future and that’s usually all I think about. My boyfriend is being so amazing and awesome but he’s just getting on my nerves. I don’t know why I just want to be alone. I don’t want to do anything or go anywhere. I try to do thinkmgs like go swimming and I just zone out and end up wanting to go back home to lay in bed. I got a job and it seemed nice and pay was better than last job. But just seemed like red flags in a pretty package. I know it’s dumb but I’m still upset about my other job. I really cared about my residents and am worried about them. I also don’t care because the people I worked under where shit and absolutely didn’t care. I just feel done for a bit in my field. Which kinda sucks because I think I should go to school for it but I don’t know. Should I it kind of sucks. It’s not free schooling. I just don’t know and I feel like I have absolutely no one to talk to about things. I probably do but I don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone about anything.
sleep
Sleep dream image Sleep to leave todayDream to miss those lostImage a beautiful day
Sometimes I choose to sleep as long as I can to have amazing dreams. Dreams my mom is still alive. Days with good dreams are hard to wake up and live the day.
emotionally exhausted
I had a horrible day at work. Just felt overwhelmed and emotionally spent. I’m just tired about everything. I don’t know how to feel about things. On a side note my daughter called for the dog in her sleep. Which was adorable. Said the dogs name like 10 times. She also watched one of my favorite movies with me and loved it. Ok I can only write this because my boyfriend is asleep. But deep down I feel like he doesn’t care about me at all. I don’t know if I’m just weird but when I care about someone I want to know everything about them. There likes there dislikes. I want to see the baby pics and there awkward high-school pictures. I want to know there hopes,dreams, the things that they can’t stand. Basically everything. I don’t know if it’s a chick thing because my ex also seemed to not care. But then again he only cared about himself. I have lived with this person a year. I feel like I know him but he’s also a stranger. He doesn’t have a single picture of me. Or seem to want to take any. I don’t know sometimes I feel like the relationship is one-sided. Just mainly with effort. I don’t know if I’m talking out my ass or what. But I don’t think if we didn’t live together he would put in any effort to see me. Sometimes I want to tell him to move out to see if he does make the effort. But that’s so shitty and childish. His life isn’t a game. I don’t know I just feel like running away. Im tired of feeling like everything is temporary. How he feels. No matter how hard I work or we’ll of a job I do. Everything is just temporary. Eventually he’s going to leave. I’m going to lose my job. I don’t know always feel like it’s because of me.
help
I am so tired of reaching out for help just to be shit on. At my job I rarely say anything then I randomly say I need help shit is hard and they start fucking with my schedule. At home my boyfriend wanted to be the one I talk to. But clearly only on his time. Sometimes I don’t want to talk I just want someone to hold me. But constantly just feel pushed away. I don’t like to open up at all then the rare moments I do every single time someone has to make sure I know it was a mistake.
Sincerely lonely girl
kinda done
ok this is random
but what the fuck. This mother chucker tell me I’m too much. Of all the shit my ex told me. This new ass telling me I’m too much hurt alot. I don’t know if it’s because he’s not my ex and I was trying so hard for him to feel how I cared about him. I’m hurt but also pissed. Like fuck you yeah I love holding your hand, and spending lots of time together, and I like sex. Is someone really going to complain about that. Who doesn’t love unconditional love. Like I’m sorry but are you kidding me. I did nothing but give and asked for nothing in return. I was making him things I’m not sure I’m going to actually see him again. I really just want to mail them to him. Then I think that’s shitty and I shouldn’t do that. But honestly so far I’m sticking to it and cutting contact. This is what he said he wanted in a relationship someone who he can rely/depend on, someone who is caring, funny, basically Someone who is there for me. But honestly I’m the only one who seems to want this. He says he shows his love by touch but I’m the one doing all the touching and always wanting hugs and cuddles. I just want someone who does what they say. Stop blowing smoke up my ass.
don’t you change your damn mind
Don’t you change your damn mind. You know this is the right decision. Don’t change it because you like his cuddles. Fuck that bullshit. Don’t you dare be with someone who is going to say one thing and do another. He fucking choose to play a God damn game over hanging out with you. What kind of bullshit is that. You deserve better. You are willing to give him everything least he can fucking do is choose you over a damn game. Fucking stupid. No your not asking alot. Stop being ridiculous. You don’t mind watching him play but that’s not good enough so fuck that shit and move on. He can have his fucking game. Bit I’m watching you I’m serious don’t change your mind. Random thoughts for myself.
shit life 