Sometimes I wonder where is my mind. I put dates on things today for my job and I put two months ago date. Like wtf what was I thinking. Then later I was thinking of snacking and I randomly thought of something I haven’t ate in years. It’s going to sound gross but saltines with American cheese and mustard. Yeah I know wtf gross but I love it. Then later I thought about when I worked some shitty job and we’re getting free food and I didn’t get good shit I got basic shit because I didn’t want to sound greedy. Like fuck that shit job should of got insane amount of food. It was an ok job but this one guy made me incredibly uncomfortable working there. Always say random shit that creeped me out. He said he looked up my Facebook page. First of all I don’t have one because my dude is insane. Secondly is that normal to look people up on Facebook that you work with. I have no interest in looking my coworkers up on Facebook like shit I don’t care about your holiday pics or the dumb shit you post. Fucking creeped me out. I ended up leaving because he made me so uncomfortable. It honestly took me a while to consider he was harrasing me. I didn’t see the point to say anything. I’m tired and watching some bullshit tv. Might start posting more stuff. I don’t know.
Tag: change
Yet again screwing me over
Told him I have no interest in being with him or living with him. His response is to drive my broken car like shit and playing music at six in the morning. I just want to part and never see him again he’s gone the other way and seems to be attempting to fuck over what little I have buy completely destroying my car and making sure I wouldn’t want to live here. So yeah really fun. I don’t have money to repair my shit box of a car. It’s honestly a waste because as soon as something is fixed another thing breaks. Yeah fuck that shit car I hate you. Piece of shit Jetta. Just want this drama out of my life.
Narcissistic personality disorder .A disorder in which a person has an inflated sense of self-importance.Narcissistic personality disorder is found more commonly in men. The cause is unknown but likely involves a combination of genetic and environmental factors. Ok I woke up this morning and got screamed at for about two hours. There is nothing he won’t say. Nothing that is off limits. I been done with this god awful relationship for so long. But it keeps fucking going I just want to be able to leave. Leave without worrying he’s going to show up at my job harrasing people. That he’s not going to try and put every intamate thing we’ve done on the internet. I don’t want to have to worry about coming home to everything I own destroyed. I just want to leave and never deal with him again. I’m just tired of pretending everything is good and I want to be with him. I’m tired of getting put down and feeling miserable. The days I’m off work I’m usually getting screamed at and talked down too. Then when im working all I don’t do anything because I’m working 12 hour days and it kicks my ass. Then I come home and have to deal with his ass. Asking me to make him food asking what we’re going to do. I’m tired of my whole life revolving around him. Everything I do is about him shopping for him. Making food he wants to eat. Going to places with him. I’m tired of it.
New
I hate being new. Everyone acts like your not there or like your stupid. Sorry I don’t actually know something you’ve never told me. Idk how it was way back when. But every damn job I get no one wants to do any training. They act like you should just figure it out or already know this specific job. Really people.
Getting things started
Why is it getting started so annoying long. What happened to the times where you wanted to do something like go to school or get job you basically just had to walk in the door. Getting a job is making a resume no one’s going to look at. Applying to a hundred places and maybe get three call backs. Where they ask you about your resume they clearly didn’t read. Then put down all of your experience and act like your a horrible person for leaving a shit job. Or good forbid you leave without giving notice. That’s bullshit I was getting harassed and told management and they acted like I was being dramatic so I quit that. or another job just telling me I’m going to get a promotion and dick me around for months then randomly give it to someone else after I was basically doing the job. They don’t deserve notice. Another thing is so many places act like we should be insanely loyal to some shit place constantly screwing there employees. Fuck you think I have to be loyal to do my job properly. Get the fuck out of here.
Mornings
Why do mornings always have to suck. If I’m working shits going on. If I’m home this asshole is bitching and wanting to argue about everything. I usually don’t say anything because if I do they last all fucking day. It doesn’t matter what I say because I’m always wrong and he’s always right and I’m horrible person. I woke up and wanted to just run to the store alone for some things but I know if I go I’ll get accused of cheating. And told I’m a shit person. I need milk and we’re really low like fucks sake. I hate you. Make everything little thing I do a huge big fucking deal. Stupid asshole
Shitty so far
Woke up to me getting yelled at for an hour. Was told I was fat, disgusting, lazy, and stupid. Im looking into going to school. But sometimes I just don’t want to do anything but lay in bed. I’m tired of fighting or being yelled at. I barely have the energy to deal with this asshole and then to add school. Then I think I can’t count on him and need to do something that will pay good. I talked to someone from one of the schools and she asked me why I wanted to go to school? Is this a dumb question or is it just me. Like obviously to continue my education to have an actual career and not just a job. What did she think I was going to say I like going into insane debt. Then at same time she acts like I should just jump into it. Like no I’m not going into debt on a whim. She acted like she really couldn’t care less as long as went there. Like it’s a lot of money for a school that might suck. I looked into a nursing school but read so many bad reviews that I’m like idk what’s point if it’s shitty school.
Upset
Really upset lately. Really feel like my life has been on hold last couple of years. I’m not expecting to win the lottery but I just want a job that I don’t feel like is going to randomly shut down getting paid a reasonable amount of money. I hate interviews there always so rediculous. I keep getting the question why do you want to work here. Like fucking honestly what do they expect people to say. I need a job you need a position filled. They act like you should be so into there company. I only found out about your company when I see open position. Is it just me or these people a little fucking rediculous to act like I should be like I love your company and heard amazing things. One job I heard from many people that it was a horrible place to work for shit pay,shit work,and treat you like shit. I told a job recruiter that and she acted dumb founded I wouldn’t want to work there. Like are you fucking retarded like how are you suprised I wouldn’t want to work for shitty pay for shitty people. Honestly what a dumbass.
F that
Seen my old job hiring. I worked there and loved it I worked alone and was never bothered. Work was easy and days went by quickly. They left go off all the temps do to lack of work in May because of covid. So I apply to many jobs get a call interview and I tell her I worked there before she says I didn’t look at anything and I’ll call you back. Ok I think I’ll way couple days for her call. She never calls and I try using number off Google that doesn’t work. I go through website and use that number takes twenty minutes finally got to talk to someone and they just say idk I’ll tell them to call you back. Ok fine whatever I liked the job. Another week goes by and nothing. So I go on the website again and talk to someone through messenger. They say there look into it and they assure me someone is going to call me back within a couple of days. Again ok fine. But no fucking nothing. I go on there Facebook and see there having a open interviews ok I go and talk to someone and ask about coming back. And what is the bs response I get back o we’re not bring back people who worked here before. I asked why and that’s all they fucking say. I did my fucking job,was on time, worked hard, helped other employees when they needed help, I didn’t leave early or fuck around. But apparently fuck all they they just don’t want to bring anyone back who worked there before because they said so. Are you fucking serious. Fuck you hope you struggle to fill the positions. Assholes. Waste of fucking time and energy making sure I did everything I could just to be thrown away. Way to fuck over some loyal hardworking people. Cause I wasn’t hired in so not really like I mattered apparently. Fuck you.
Get out
Got some things done made dinner then got yelled at for over an hour. Apparently he was upset. He later sent me text saying he was upset we are not having as much sex as we did. Like seriously fuck so stupid. I actually thought there was something wrong no he just ranted and raved and non-stop talked to me like shit cause he was fucking horny. So nice I was feeling like shit and crying because he was horny. He told me I was fat,lazy, and should be embarrassed of the dinner I made because he was fucking horny. He told me to leave like twenty times. I started looking at apartments. I think my old job is bringing back temps and I applied really hope they called. I been looking at other places close to shit place I live. I really can’t count on him giving me rides. I need to learn to drive and get my license but I don’t know how. He makes huge deal when I try and don’t feel comfortable asking anyone else. If I try living in the city I can walk or take bus. I just got to get out of this place.
shit life 