I had some hope about changing my life but my jackass reminded me he not going to let it happen easily. Already told me not taking me to work. I told him yeah eventually I’m going to move out because I don’t like to feel like I’m hiding shit. I especially don’t like to be accused of it. He’s in other room laughing at funny videos. I just want out of this shit. I fucking hate this. Already exhausted and just want to sleep. So shitty I new he would do this anything he had to stop me from getting away. He’s not working and I’m not working but he doesn’t care he says I should get job working at store I like. I told him I wouldn’t make enough. Just another way of keeping me put. Working a job that would just barely pay my bills. Yeah that’s what I want to do.
Tag: change
Annoyed
Looking into jobs to get away. Then this asshole got to say shit like your just doing this to get away. So then not going to take me to interview. Takes me and then expects sexual shit like fuck my life. Have interview and said I wanted a certain amount they said ok they usually start off at a little lower but I should be able to get you that. I wait two days and he finally gets back says he can get me less then he mentioned like wtf really. Why even act like my price was an option then just say o here’s less than I mentioned. Then he acted like I should be happy about it. He said in 90 days go up to closer to what I wanted. I don’t know if I should take or not. I only went with this place because I wanted job right by were I live and he got shit farther away and less money. Just another time a person just completely ignores what I say.
Watching tv
Ok I am rarely alone and rarely get to sit around and actually pay attention to a show I want to watch. But today my daughter was asleep and asshole fell asleep. So I was able to watch what I wanted without someone elses whiny comments that they hate it it’s old and stupid. I watched the first episode of columbo and shit I loved it. Just being alone being able to talk out loud and eat popcorn without someone’s bitchy complaints. It was heaven I loved it. I really can’t wait to do it again. I can watch things with my daughter but she’s always asking question after question. I love that she wants to know but sometimes she needs to go away. This asshole always cries I watch same shit over and over again. I watch it because I love it. He will watch anything just to watch something then when over remember nothing about it. I have probably rewatched Murder she wrote ten times. Some episodes I’m sure I’ve seen thirty times. I love it I like how she’s a badass and does what she wants. I like making fun of it because they never have any real evidence. I love the episodes in Cabot cove. It’s my favorite show and I like watching it but every time I do I have to hear someone bitch about it. Then he likes to pretend he’s being generous when letting me watch it right before he leaves. This man will put on show then take a bath and if I change it he will bitch. Fuck you I choose Murder she wrote over you. No hesitation at all.
Blog
I never know what to blog about. What would people like to read about. Happy times, hard times, crafts. I don’t know I’m looking more to my future lately. Thinking about going to school for some things. I’m scared but looking. I don’t get how people can do things and not be sure it’s going to work out. Ok I can do it with little things. I try sewing something it doesn’t work and that’s ok I didn’t spend years on it or thousands of dollars no biggie. But if I did this it’s going to effect other people and I think about missing out on my daughter’s life. I know it’s a little dramatic but I don’t want her to miss out on anything. But still thinking hard about it.
Wtf brina
Ok I watched the last season of chilling adventures of Sabrina. Ok what the fuck. This is how you end it. Why everything was going so good then shit. Also how the fuck did it get cancelled. That show was great. It was cute and spooky and so good to watch. Ok rewatching some times is hard because your like fuck do you listen to anyone. Why ask if your going to do what you want regardless of the possible outcomes. Ok I get your good but one part there picking top boy and she’s annoyed got to be boy. Ok I get that it’s bull but why the fuck she assume it should be her instead of Prudence who knows more and practiced more. Ok there were some things I loved. I loved her one aunt finding love and Theo finding his self. Annoyed that they had to make Theo want to be a boy not because theres anything wrong with it. But when we first see Theo she’s just a Tom boy which I get. Then it was like out of no where wants to be boy like it just seemed like jump. Like not every girl who is a Tom boy wants to be boy. Like I was a Tom boy growning up hated how people acted like there was something wrong with it. Also what the fuck with Lilith I’m calling bullshit I don’t think she would do that to Adam. She was so smart and planning in earlier episodes. Then in end seemed like just did whatever. Also always needed Lilith in earlier seasons then all the sudden they never even talk to her. The last season just seems very different from the rest.
Errrrrr
Errrrrr. My mind is going non-stop and I need something to distract me until I get a job. So I made huge list of things I want to do and it’s pretty fucking big. At least twenty things on the list and each thing has multiple things to do to finish. Or it’s a long process to do. Waiting for Monday for job interview. Driving me crazy.
F you
The lack of concern of this asshole is rediculous. I feel like if he was mad and I was dying he would just tilt his head look at me and in condensending voice say should of listened to me shouldn’t you. Someone one asked about me leaving him. Of course I want to leave him but when I do I have to have everything ready. I have to have money backup money. Someone to watch her a backup person and another backpack person because he will go out of his way to make my life hard. Hes going to tell me it’s stupid to move out I could live with him and save up money. Like living with him is such fun. Then when he realizes it’s not going to happen he’s going to tell me he won’t help me move. Then most likely accuse me of having random men around my daughter. I’m so tired of being near him.
Life suck
I think everyone has a little life suck in there life. Shitty things or people that make your life suck a little or a lot. My life suck decided to wake up in his usual shit mood. Before him I liked most of my life. I worked with people I got along with. I didn’t really like them but we got along and they thought we were friends so it worked. I got along with my family. I had a dog and two cats life was good. Now I barely talk to family I don’t have dog or cat and have no jobs. I’m lonely and depressed. No one to talk to about anything. But that’s kinda the same I’m a very private person and don’t like to confide in anyone about anything. But the freedom is what I really miss. I used to think it was because I had a daughter but honestly it’s not. It’s my life suck sucking the life out of me and leaving me hollow.
Equally shit day
He can’t stop talking down to me. Really hate he’s got to try and use my daughter against me. Always saying shit in front of her. I fucking ask him every damn time I don’t care how upset you fucking are don’t say shit in front of your kid. It’s not fucking hard. But must be hardest thing in the world for him not to bad mouth me in front of my daughter, my family, people I work with. He can’t not say sexual shit in front of people or my daughter either. Like always shows an absolute zero amount of respect he has for anyone other than himself. I’m tired of avoiding some asshole in place I live. Don’t think of it as a home cause he’s constantly telling me to leave. He use to call me fat everyday now he’s moved on to telling me to get out of his house and I’m a fatass. So yeah really having great times. I been looking at jobs. Hard to find some for third shift. I just want away. Tired of being here. Tired of being by someone who purposely trys to provoke me and drag out shit for hours. Why does someone seem to get joy out of treating me shitty. He always seems satisfied that me made me upset and cry. I just want to be left alone. I’m not asking alot to not be watched on camera in the place I live. I’m about to cry and he’s cracking jokes in other room about me yelling so cops will come. Tired of feeling completely trapped and at any time he completely destroy the shitty life I have.
Didn’t last long
Got woken up at one in the morning and already messed up my sleep. Hopefully will go back but I don’t have much hope of it. I worked nights for about four years I loved it not being a morning person. The entire time I worked first shift I hated it I couldn’t get enough sleep. The shitty thing is I always blame myself. I told my sister about it and anytime I tell anyone about anything it always gets messed up. Talked about how much I love my job bam get laid off. Talk about a promotion my supervisor wants to give me bam she quit and other person in charge is utterly oblivious to anything. I really don’t like talking about anything to people as soon as I do it’s like I just got to get shit on and put in my place. It could be the littlest stupidest shit but as soon as I mention it something happens and falls apart. Errrrrr the annoyance i just never get excited anymore even when I went on vacation I kept thinking something was going to ruin it.
shit life 