This piece of shit. Fuck this damn dude. Stupid asshole saying shit in front of my kid. What kind of piece of shit involves a child in our argument. Telling her I’m going to neglect her. Fucking sack of shit. God damnit as mad as he’s gotten me I never tell my daughter anything. fucking low life. seriously the lowest piece of shit.
Tag: daughter
Yet another low
This psycho has hit yet another low. We went to the laundry mat and the store my daughter was ok at laundry mat and little bratty when leaving the store. He took her to the car and I check out. I put stuff in car and he instantly starts flipping shit about her additude. Yes she was not behaving but he was taking completely way to far. I had to get the rest of the laundry and I wanted to take her with me. This psycho says if i take her he’s going to be mean to her the rest of the day. Like you must be insane who the fuck say that kind of shit to a child. Obviously I took her with me he got all huffy and pissed and drove off. We waited for laundry to dry and when were about to leave we seen him waiting. Then when I had to go to work he had to be a jackass yet again. It’s getting to a point where Im worried about going to work. I don’t want him in her life. She would be better off without him. He does to her what he does to me putt her down and talk to her like she’s garbage. I fucking hate it and can’t stand him. He keeps acting like I need him so badly. You know what my life would be without him it would be happy. I would be actually fucking happy not just putting on a face and pretending. Fuck your my personal cancer slowly killing me and making my life a struggle.
Shit relationship
Every damn time it happens I’m someone suprised yet also expecting it. I just took my daughter to a class and we got food and we’re going to go to a park to eat and play. We get to park and it’s gravel parking lot with no lines and no other cars. He pulls in then has to back in for some reason. I just just park already and he instantly gets mad and puts me down. Calling me fat ass and saying he’s ready to leave. I just sit down and start eating. He continues to put me down my daughter finishes her fries and goes and plays on playground. I make sure the slides are dry and hug her and go back to eating. He then starts saying I’m using my child as a pawn. What kind of fucked up person thinks this of the person there with. What the fuck is wrong with him. Apparently me hugging my daughter before she plays is me using her as a pawn. I really loathe that he has to say this in front of her. I hate him having absolutely no respect for me or my feelings. No respect no respect at all.
Get out
Got some things done made dinner then got yelled at for over an hour. Apparently he was upset. He later sent me text saying he was upset we are not having as much sex as we did. Like seriously fuck so stupid. I actually thought there was something wrong no he just ranted and raved and non-stop talked to me like shit cause he was fucking horny. So nice I was feeling like shit and crying because he was horny. He told me I was fat,lazy, and should be embarrassed of the dinner I made because he was fucking horny. He told me to leave like twenty times. I started looking at apartments. I think my old job is bringing back temps and I applied really hope they called. I been looking at other places close to shit place I live. I really can’t count on him giving me rides. I need to learn to drive and get my license but I don’t know how. He makes huge deal when I try and don’t feel comfortable asking anyone else. If I try living in the city I can walk or take bus. I just got to get out of this place.
Blog
I never know what to blog about. What would people like to read about. Happy times, hard times, crafts. I don’t know I’m looking more to my future lately. Thinking about going to school for some things. I’m scared but looking. I don’t get how people can do things and not be sure it’s going to work out. Ok I can do it with little things. I try sewing something it doesn’t work and that’s ok I didn’t spend years on it or thousands of dollars no biggie. But if I did this it’s going to effect other people and I think about missing out on my daughter’s life. I know it’s a little dramatic but I don’t want her to miss out on anything. But still thinking hard about it.
Fuck resolutions
Year is almost over all I can think is fuck I’m still with this asshole. I don’t make new years resolutions but always in the back of my mind think not going to be with this asshole life suck much longer. And look about to go on seven fucking years. I never know how the fuck I lasted this long. Some days aren’t that bad other days are agonizingly horrible. I was so hopeful last year after I got my job I loved. I was dreaming about getting my own place and leaving. I would fantasize daily about everything I was going to do. I was going to work overtime or get second job on weekends so I could save up for a house. I was going to change my hair. Start dressing in dresses like I always wanted to. I still tried doing this but when someone calls you fat in pretty dress you really feel low again and don’t want to wear it anymore. I was thinking of getting a dog. I can’t have a cat my daughter is allergic. So was finally going to get us a dog she wants one so bag and so do I. But nothing happened this year is just the same as the last year. I’m lonely depressed and even more hopeless than before.
Life suck
I think everyone has a little life suck in there life. Shitty things or people that make your life suck a little or a lot. My life suck decided to wake up in his usual shit mood. Before him I liked most of my life. I worked with people I got along with. I didn’t really like them but we got along and they thought we were friends so it worked. I got along with my family. I had a dog and two cats life was good. Now I barely talk to family I don’t have dog or cat and have no jobs. I’m lonely and depressed. No one to talk to about anything. But that’s kinda the same I’m a very private person and don’t like to confide in anyone about anything. But the freedom is what I really miss. I used to think it was because I had a daughter but honestly it’s not. It’s my life suck sucking the life out of me and leaving me hollow.
Equally shit day
He can’t stop talking down to me. Really hate he’s got to try and use my daughter against me. Always saying shit in front of her. I fucking ask him every damn time I don’t care how upset you fucking are don’t say shit in front of your kid. It’s not fucking hard. But must be hardest thing in the world for him not to bad mouth me in front of my daughter, my family, people I work with. He can’t not say sexual shit in front of people or my daughter either. Like always shows an absolute zero amount of respect he has for anyone other than himself. I’m tired of avoiding some asshole in place I live. Don’t think of it as a home cause he’s constantly telling me to leave. He use to call me fat everyday now he’s moved on to telling me to get out of his house and I’m a fatass. So yeah really having great times. I been looking at jobs. Hard to find some for third shift. I just want away. Tired of being here. Tired of being by someone who purposely trys to provoke me and drag out shit for hours. Why does someone seem to get joy out of treating me shitty. He always seems satisfied that me made me upset and cry. I just want to be left alone. I’m not asking alot to not be watched on camera in the place I live. I’m about to cry and he’s cracking jokes in other room about me yelling so cops will come. Tired of feeling completely trapped and at any time he completely destroy the shitty life I have.
My Christmas Eve
Fuck where should I start. Ok I had alot of things I needed to do. I had to finish dress for my daughter. Finish gifts for my mother in law. Cook Christmas Eve dinner which was basically Christmas dinner but day before so could do with my dad. I also need to wrap the last of the presents and clean my daughter’s room. This asshole plan was to do nothing and go see a friend. He fucks around and waits till I already put turkey in oven for over two hours and decides he’s got to go now. So I ask him to stop and pick up shit for stocking stuffers. He then tells me I can go if I want it he’s not going to get and if I don’t go not happening. He then tells me I’m shitty Mom for not going. I already know he’s going to be gone at least two hours and I need to start the sides. I can’t fucking leave while I got turkey in oven. Im still doing things for Christmas and this asshole leaves to fuck around. Not only does he wait until the weather turns to shit he also takes my daughter like he’s doing me a favor. Another shit part is he gets her fast food while out. So when they finally get home and dinner is done they don’t eat anything. I’m not being dramatic like they made small plate they ate nothing. Like are you fucking kidding me. I made turkey,gravy, mashed potatoes, broccoli,cheese sauce and stuffing. Me and my dad ate and I thought they would eventually eat something but no ate nothing. Didn’t help me do anything. Not cleaning or putting away the food I made which was most of it because I made alot thinking we would all eat. So now I have most of a twenty pound turkey left and basically 90% of the food I made left. I waited till my daughter was asleep to put out presents I thought he would help but no couldn’t do that either. I asked him to grab a gift card or something from the store for my dad he got nothing. I made his mom four Christmas placemats, two Christmas hanging towels, four more placemats and two towels to match, I also painted some wood ornaments for her and decorated with family photos. Then I also bought her a Nora Flemming salt and pepper set and two ceramic decorations that go with it which was around $60. I don’t have alot of money and I really tried this year to make it a nice Christmas for his mom, him and our daughter. So yeah just another heart breaking day of no appreciation and being alone with people around. Not really looking forward to tomorrow. I splurged and bought myself some perfume I always wanted but didn’t want to spend the money on which is fucked because it was $35. O yeah also got his mom a gift card for restaurant for $50 so yeah really fucked up. Fuck the holidays.
Lame
Yeah my schedule is messed up. Fucking great loved waking up early. Got so much done. Now nothing did some shit yesterday but barley anything in comparison to days woke up early. I’m trying to look at jobs not very limited opportunities when you need to work around a child and someone else schedule. Keep showing jobs far away even when I narrow search. Seen something I would love but then noticed was two hours away. I’ve thought of moving away but two hours I feel is to far and cause more drama and problems. This asshole changed the wifi password so I’m using all my data. At least I have phone before he would just turn off to punish me. My sister talks about us living together I’m contemplating it. But very unsure. I want to get away but I don’t know about living with someone. I don’t want to feel like I have to clean up after everyone or watch someone’s child. It doesn’t matter really for now because I need to get a job and my driver’s license. Yeah I don’t have one actually hard to get when no one is willing to teach you. All my asshole does is scream at me. When we drive he’s very perticular about windows and heat and music so I never touch anything cause he’ll just freak out. So I don’t know where anything is. I can open windows but im not good at remembering wipers or lights. The last time I drove was two months ago when tried getting my driver’s license and failed. Before my test he told me what’s the point your going to fail. So yeah fun. Before that I drove some but not really a lot. He always just ends up screaming at me and I’m not in the mood to deal with that. Yeah that’s the story of how where still together I just don’t do things he doesn’t like so I don’t have to deal with him freaking out. Even know he freaks out about everything.
shit life 