Tag: depressed

Tls

Feeling endlessly depressed. I have a job interview later but asshole doesn’t want to take me because I wasn’t in the mood. Then I looked at Reddit shit why do you love your spouse. Really not good idea when your in shitty relationship. I was mad at myself for not doing more so I tried to clean and got yelled at for telling my daughter not to mess up what I just cleaned. So I just layed down after that. Being depressed makes me tired. I watched a movie once and the chick told her husband it’s hard for her to hold him and every time he shuts her affection down it hurts. It’s true anytime I try to touch him or hold him or want to cuddle he always acts like he hates it. It just trains you to distance yourself from the other person. Tired lonely and sad.

Upset

Really upset lately. Really feel like my life has been on hold last couple of years. I’m not expecting to win the lottery but I just want a job that I don’t feel like is going to randomly shut down getting paid a reasonable amount of money. I hate interviews there always so rediculous. I keep getting the question why do you want to work here. Like fucking honestly what do they expect people to say. I need a job you need a position filled. They act like you should be so into there company. I only found out about your company when I see open position. Is it just me or these people a little fucking rediculous to act like I should be like I love your company and heard amazing things. One job I heard from many people that it was a horrible place to work for shit pay,shit work,and treat you like shit. I told a job recruiter that and she acted dumb founded I wouldn’t want to work there. Like are you fucking retarded like how are you suprised I wouldn’t want to work for shitty pay for shitty people. Honestly what a dumbass.

F that

Seen my old job hiring. I worked there and loved it I worked alone and was never bothered. Work was easy and days went by quickly. They left go off all the temps do to lack of work in May because of covid. So I apply to many jobs get a call interview and I tell her I worked there before she says I didn’t look at anything and I’ll call you back. Ok I think I’ll way couple days for her call. She never calls and I try using number off Google that doesn’t work. I go through website and use that number takes twenty minutes finally got to talk to someone and they just say idk I’ll tell them to call you back. Ok fine whatever I liked the job. Another week goes by and nothing. So I go on the website again and talk to someone through messenger. They say there look into it and they assure me someone is going to call me back within a couple of days. Again ok fine. But no fucking nothing. I go on there Facebook and see there having a open interviews ok I go and talk to someone and ask about coming back. And what is the bs response I get back o we’re not bring back people who worked here before. I asked why and that’s all they fucking say. I did my fucking job,was on time, worked hard, helped other employees when they needed help, I didn’t leave early or fuck around. But apparently fuck all they they just don’t want to bring anyone back who worked there before because they said so. Are you fucking serious. Fuck you hope you struggle to fill the positions. Assholes. Waste of fucking time and energy making sure I did everything I could just to be thrown away. Way to fuck over some loyal hardworking people. Cause I wasn’t hired in so not really like I mattered apparently. Fuck you.

Lame

I had some interviews recently and thought they went great. I was really excited about just working again. They were not the best jobs but ok jobs. I haven’t heard anything and I like to pretend o whatever they were shit I don’t care. But shit even they didn’t want me they were stupid easy jobs I could do in my sleep but no not good enough for them. Makes me realize how low my self esteem is when I don’t get a shitty job and I’m crushed. All I keep thinking is what did I do wrong and why I wasn’t good enough. I hate that about myself. It’s worst when I look at who they actually hire. When I worked in a factory and applied for the position above me and they gave it to some dumb guy who barely did anything and his way to do his job was to call someone else. I always feel like I have to prove myself.

Future

I had interview the other day and he has to take me he put me down for hour before. Doing nothing but saying I’m a horrible person, shitty mom, I’m gross and a disgrace. Then on car ride somehow he seemed to get meaner and more hurtful. I had to fight back tears the entire ride. Nothing like feeling like crying and attempting to talk to people and pretend like life is great. When I got home I took out trash and I seen someone walking and they started skipping. Made me feel like crying even more. To be so happy in life to skip while your doing some mundane stupid shit. I usually do the mundane shit to keep busy. I’m looking forward to skipping one day hopefully soon.

This fucking guy

You ever dislike someone then they do something and your like shit whole new level of hatred. He continues to make new levels of hatred. First was when he called me fat when I was pregnant. Then came when my daughter was born and told me I was shit mom and thank God my mom wasn’t around to see the shit mom I am. Another time this psycho brought up something that happened a year ago like it was yesterday and fuck if I remember that stupid shit and acted like caught me in lie. See now say something else entirely. Another pretty fucked up thing making me message dirty things so he can masturbate and get off. Some thing he would be making me message would be saying I would like to fuck his friend. His creepy always dirty looking gross lazy selfish friend. Then he would threaten to show everyone when I leave. Including naked photos we took when we got along. Said would send to everyone in my family and at my job. Couple times he refused to take me to work if didn’t “help”. This is when I was the only one working and couldn’t miss any days or would be fired. Before him I would never take off work. With him I use to take off because sometimes I just needed day off of explaining to him who was near me or of people talked to. I’m a huge fucking introvert but apparently as soon as I get to work he thinks I’m going to love small talk with random people. So I would have to explain how far away people were. Because he’s insane.

Get out

Got some things done made dinner then got yelled at for over an hour. Apparently he was upset. He later sent me text saying he was upset we are not having as much sex as we did. Like seriously fuck so stupid. I actually thought there was something wrong no he just ranted and raved and non-stop talked to me like shit cause he was fucking horny. So nice I was feeling like shit and crying because he was horny. He told me I was fat,lazy, and should be embarrassed of the dinner I made because he was fucking horny. He told me to leave like twenty times. I started looking at apartments. I think my old job is bringing back temps and I applied really hope they called. I been looking at other places close to shit place I live. I really can’t count on him giving me rides. I need to learn to drive and get my license but I don’t know how. He makes huge deal when I try and don’t feel comfortable asking anyone else. If I try living in the city I can walk or take bus. I just got to get out of this place.

Crushed

I had some hope about changing my life but my jackass reminded me he not going to let it happen easily. Already told me not taking me to work. I told him yeah eventually I’m going to move out because I don’t like to feel like I’m hiding shit. I especially don’t like to be accused of it. He’s in other room laughing at funny videos. I just want out of this shit. I fucking hate this. Already exhausted and just want to sleep. So shitty I new he would do this anything he had to stop me from getting away. He’s not working and I’m not working but he doesn’t care he says I should get job working at store I like. I told him I wouldn’t make enough. Just another way of keeping me put. Working a job that would just barely pay my bills. Yeah that’s what I want to do.

Support

Do you ever get really excited about an idea. You think of your idea all day making mental notes and working out a plan. Then you finally tell someone and they install shit on it. Well that’s what my life sucking asshole does every time. I’m still some what lost in my plans for a solid career. But anytime I’ve ever showed interest in something he’s always right there to shit on it or squash it. I thought about photography because I love taking photos of this right away he shuts down and tells me I need to look into something to make money. Ok I thought about catering I enjoy cooking and good at planning and think I can do it. Again shit on it quickly tells me he doesn’t think it would work. I even think of the police right away he doesn’t think they would hire me cause I’m a girl. Ok other ideas outside of careers I want to put up table and wrap people’s presents for free just something nice to do. No right away shit on it people are going to accuse you of stealing. Another time I wanted to volunteer at a animal shelter ok says good idea. I go to meeting still good go to intro day finish that and on way home says idk when your going to be able to do this I’m so busy. Ok that ones not entirely on him I was working shit job at time and guy there also volunteered. But he started really creeping me out asking way personal questions and looking me up online. Either way I was real creeped out and didn’t want to risk running into him. Thought about doing at another one not as close. I try to always support him and his ideas. Why can’t he just pretend to like my ideas. Like fuck you can’t make an effort.