I have so many thoughts. So many ideas. I want to plan to do so many things. I’m feeling so down and so unsure of everything. I’m not in the mood to do anything. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Seems like depression but I’m not even thinking about the future and that’s usually all I think about. My boyfriend is being so amazing and awesome but he’s just getting on my nerves. I don’t know why I just want to be alone. I don’t want to do anything or go anywhere. I try to do thinkmgs like go swimming and I just zone out and end up wanting to go back home to lay in bed. I got a job and it seemed nice and pay was better than last job. But just seemed like red flags in a pretty package. I know it’s dumb but I’m still upset about my other job. I really cared about my residents and am worried about them. I also don’t care because the people I worked under where shit and absolutely didn’t care. I just feel done for a bit in my field. Which kinda sucks because I think I should go to school for it but I don’t know. Should I it kind of sucks. It’s not free schooling. I just don’t know and I feel like I have absolutely no one to talk to about things. I probably do but I don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone about anything.
Tag: future
Support
Do you ever get really excited about an idea. You think of your idea all day making mental notes and working out a plan. Then you finally tell someone and they install shit on it. Well that’s what my life sucking asshole does every time. I’m still some what lost in my plans for a solid career. But anytime I’ve ever showed interest in something he’s always right there to shit on it or squash it. I thought about photography because I love taking photos of this right away he shuts down and tells me I need to look into something to make money. Ok I thought about catering I enjoy cooking and good at planning and think I can do it. Again shit on it quickly tells me he doesn’t think it would work. I even think of the police right away he doesn’t think they would hire me cause I’m a girl. Ok other ideas outside of careers I want to put up table and wrap people’s presents for free just something nice to do. No right away shit on it people are going to accuse you of stealing. Another time I wanted to volunteer at a animal shelter ok says good idea. I go to meeting still good go to intro day finish that and on way home says idk when your going to be able to do this I’m so busy. Ok that ones not entirely on him I was working shit job at time and guy there also volunteered. But he started really creeping me out asking way personal questions and looking me up online. Either way I was real creeped out and didn’t want to risk running into him. Thought about doing at another one not as close. I try to always support him and his ideas. Why can’t he just pretend to like my ideas. Like fuck you can’t make an effort.
Blog
I never know what to blog about. What would people like to read about. Happy times, hard times, crafts. I don’t know I’m looking more to my future lately. Thinking about going to school for some things. I’m scared but looking. I don’t get how people can do things and not be sure it’s going to work out. Ok I can do it with little things. I try sewing something it doesn’t work and that’s ok I didn’t spend years on it or thousands of dollars no biggie. But if I did this it’s going to effect other people and I think about missing out on my daughter’s life. I know it’s a little dramatic but I don’t want her to miss out on anything. But still thinking hard about it.
Errrrrr
Errrrrr. My mind is going non-stop and I need something to distract me until I get a job. So I made huge list of things I want to do and it’s pretty fucking big. At least twenty things on the list and each thing has multiple things to do to finish. Or it’s a long process to do. Waiting for Monday for job interview. Driving me crazy.
shit life 