Don’t you just hate waking up getting yelled at. No just me cause I’m the only one living with this much of an asshole. Woke up before him he seen me already awake and freak out what the fuck are you doing. I always want to be like I know you look at my internet history I look at craft bs, cooking, and mystery TV shows. The craziest I get on my phone is when I look up snl sketches. Here is a good one. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=F7o4oMKbStE honestly if shit don’t work I won’t be surprised. Sorry bro . Anyways while this asshole was being his asshole self he decided he going to turn off the internet so I cant watch tv or use internet. I have shitty internet on phone. Yeah life sucks. Then he decided to leave with our kid who knows where to. So fun. I hope other people don’t have to deal with an asshole like mine but honestly sometimes it would feel nice to know I’m not only one dealing with such an asshole. You know see a sister/brother in arms. We can get threw this shit. Fuck fucky Fuck
Tag: life
Attempting to update my shit
Well I’m trying to update my shit. But phone being slow and battery low. Charger in other room so eventually shit will look better but honestly I’m pretty bad at this kind of shit and surprised got this far. Five percent not going to make it. Why…… Also real bad at spelling so yeah there’s that also. Sorry but then again don’t expect so much from strangers your always be disappointed.
Arranged marriage
When I was younger I always thought an arranged marriage was crazy and some thing I would never do. Once my friend was talking to a really nice man. He was respectful and sweet and generous. Within a week she stopped talking to him and was talking to someone who was a total tool and asshole. Another time I was watching a TV show where a woman married an older man who was rich. He adorded her and treated her nice. Yet in the end she murdered him for his money. I don’t understand why they couldn’t just be with someone who treated them good and respected them. I might feel different because I’m with the biggest asshole there is but I would totally do an arranged marriage if they were nice and respectful. I really don’t care what someone looks like. I’ve meet many people who were seen as beautiful but to me they were the ugliest person. The way they acted and treated people was beyond cruel. I hate when people say we just fell in love. We didn’t plan it it happened what a load of shit. You know how you don’t fall in love or have an affair with someone you don’t talk to them. My sister has been with someone for eight years you know how many times I’ve talked to him alone probably less than ten. Even then I was watching there kids so was about them. I have never been alone with my assholes friends you know why cause he’s a creep and not my friend there is no need to ever be alone with them. It’s not hard to cheat people always act like I don’t know how it happened really I’m never accidentally fucking a stranger or anyone but my boyfriend. Like shit he doesn’t make me happy either but cheating isn’t going to help the situation. Why do people get with someone if there going to cheat. Like if you don’t want to do with your partner do it by yourself. Yep
Thanksgiving
Ok covid fucked everyone’s year. But I’m so glad I don’t have to do rediculous Thanksgiving and Christmas. Who likes going to in-laws house with shit ton of kids and eating food you don’t really like. My family makes a turkey, dinner mashed potatoes, stuffing, sweet potatoes, gravy, and yes cheese sauce. I put cheese sauce my turkey, mashed potatoes and broccoli. I really don’t like gravy on everything cheese sauce is the way to go. The first time I went to my in-laws I took cheese sauce. These people had to talk about this shit the entire time. These are the same people who overcook most things and some reason have tater tots at every family gathering. This year it’s different I only have to deal with my mother in law. Yes she over cooks everything also but I can deal. She always makes us take half the leftovers which yeah I definitely don’t want but it’s fine it’s one person I can deal with it.
I am most likely not going to make anything. Maybe cheese sauce. But I’m not sure if I want to deal with the bitchy comments. You think after almost seven years hearing the non-stop bitchy comments I would be ok with them but no. Still annoying and still completely unnecessary. Boy are they unnecessary.
Depressed?
Sometimes I feel like I’m depressed something happens and I won’t want to get out of bed. Other times I’ll be so motivated to do so much. I grew up when people who were described depressed where seen as weak. There’s still that stigma in my mind at least. I feel embarrassed to even say it. Then I think what do I have to be depressed about. I have an amazing daughter I’m able to do crafts and homeschool my daughter. So many other people have less there struggling to get by and struggle to feed there family. Then I think my asshole constantly is putting me down telling me I’m ugly, shitty,lazy, and crap mom. I hate to admit to some extent I agree with him. I never thought or felt attractive. Always feel as if I could do more for my daughter. I’ve always doubted myself it just hurts when someone shoves those doubts in my face. I tried pretending what he says don’t hurt but they always do. I always told him i very insecure about my appearance. Yet any time he gets mad it’s the very first thing he says. It shows and extreme lack of respect for a person when you shove the thing they hate about themselves the most in there face every chance you get. I look back on when we first got together and how completely different he is now. He use to be kind and compassionate, and love my personality. Honestly it seems like he doesn’t like anything about me. He hates my jokes, thinks I’m loud, talks down to me, makes fun of my body. Sometimes when I’m really down I think of what life will be like when we break up. I’ll be able to go were I want, cook what I want, do what I want. I wouldn’t have to explain what I’m doing on my phone to anyone. I won’t have to explain anything I do to anyone. But it’s hard to think when that will happen. I was close last year I had a great job I worked totally alone not amazing pay but enough to live on my own. Then covid fuck everyone and here I am without a job and very limited opportunities. Depressing when you think of the world today. Lame
I’m a big freaking dork
Yeah I’m a dork and not ashamed to say it. I’m alot of things a nerd, introvert,crafty, people hating antique loving weirdo person. It’s better to just accepted it and move on. I know I’m weird because I love to eat a BBQ sandwich. Sounds good until you hear it’s just bbq sauce and bread. I love eating it randomly not all the time but probably once a month. I like it with Montgomery bbq sauce which is the best. Screw those brain washed people it’s not sweet baby Ray’s. Sucks only place I can find it is Walmart or overpriced online and I’m a cheapo won’t pay that shit. But god the more I don’t deal with people the more annoying I find them. What is with these people who shove there cart in the middle of the aisle then wonder around with can. I look back at my time working as a cashier and I don’t see how I did it. I had people dump there kids in front of my register and leave to shop. Ok probably worst cause I worked at thrift store. This was before it was cool to thrift shop yeah I’m old. People use to destroy the fitting rooms like they where on a mission from God. I didn’t have to deal with this but hear about it for days afterwards someone legit pooped on the floor in the middle of an aisle. Like wtf is wrong with people we had open bathrooms. I was a good employee I always was working but I was also a horrible employee. They only wanted to give people under 25 hours and paying minimum wage. I honestly only took job because I lived across road and was before my other job. I’m a pretty good worker as I am constantly working but if people asked me to lower price or for discount I would I didn’t care. I would lower price if was really damaged but people wanted it anyways to make something out of I’d give it to them. i don’t see how there going to charge so much for when they got it for free. We constantly had kids volunteering there was no benefits paid nothing and got treated shitty. Don’t treat employees like shit and expect them to care. Again end up talking about different subject entirely. So I’ll chuck deuce’s and end it here.
Strange
When your strange no one remembers your name. This is the most bs song lyric. Growning up as a loner/introvert I hated that lyric. I had the opposite reaction ever Tom dick and Harry knew my name for some fucking reason. Why is it people have a fascination with obsessing over people or things that are different. Then harrasing and judging them. Growing up it seemed everything I did was a strange and foreign thing to be mocked in hushed tones. there was one time I dyed my hair different colors I loved it it was brown and blackish blue. I loved that it was different and unique. But like most days as soon as I got to school they had to crush my spirit but putting me on spot and making huge deal. Asking me rediculous questions about being in a gang. Which is even more rediculous when you know I was in the third fucking grade in the suburbs. They asked me when would it wash out I grew up poor didn’t know about temporary hair dye. I even asked what’s the big deal it’s hair. Even to this day I’m like what is wrong with people. If I seen people with different ways I would be that’s different but honestly don’t care. This shit and stupid shit like it is part of life I guess we’ll it is for me. Sometimes and by sometimes I mean most of the time I don’t understand people. I worked at a job for about three years the people I talked to I talked to alot. But if I don’t know you I really have no interest in talking to you unless I have to. I had to talk to my HR manager about something and she attempted to describe me and I laughed she described me as shy. I told her I don’t talk to her cause I don’t need to or want to. Most people say I never stop. It always seems people are horrible judges of character. I feel like I’m pretty good except for men I’m interested in I’m horrible. But being a good judge of character doesn’t help me understand people. I don’t understand when people play games in relationships. My asshole always thinks I’m playing games he acts like I tell him I want to break up is a game. Do people do this I don’t understand. I pretty much just say what I mean I say I hate you cause I do. I say I’m making you cake cause I felt like it not because I expect anything. I don’t understand why people only do something to get something. I do shit because I like to. Honestly just showing I care. Rambling on like I do. So just end it I am shit at spelling and am all over the place. But it is what it is. Wicka picka boo
Another shitty day
You ever just wake up and be so excited about the day. Excited to do things you been thinking of then your day gets shit on. Woke up excited about life planning my day to get screamed at about throwing away something on the ground by other trash. So far got screamed at that I’m stupid and worthless. That I’m gross and he doesn’t want me. I waited for him to leave before I cried. I don’t feel like doing anything. I love watching the tv show saving grace. Love that she’s so free. Free to act how she wants free to do what she wants. I miss that feeling of freedom. All I ever feel is trapped and alone. I randomly get ridiculously anxious and nervous and I just look up cars or motor homes and think about just taking off. Never coming back traveling like I always wanted to. As stupid as it sounds I always thought the wild thornberrys had it made traveling with your family to amazing places seeing amazing animals. I would do that in a heartbeat. I once found an adorable little house in the middle of nowhere it was adorable completely hidden in the woods so small. For months I dreamt of living there some reason with sheep and goats making goat cheese. Total isolated in the woods. I guess I just like something to dream about.
shit life 