I am such a dork

Ever since I started my bs blog ived gotten notifications about likes and people following. Not going to lie at first it was annoying so turned it off on my phone. But I word look at the notifications on my app. It was nice to know people where interested in what I was saying. Not a lot of people but to know there was any one who liked what I had to say was nice. Other day I didn’t get any notifications and how dare you people. I’m kidding but I did have a mini moment where I felt alone again. Made me realize how much I like being able to say what I need to say. I always thought talking about it was bullshit. But it really helps me to write down and talk about all the bullshit I have to deal with on a daily basis. I tried reading some other peoples blog but them talking about how much there husband is there for them made me more depressed. Which is weird cause I do like a show where everything is perfect and there problems are usually like i have to throw party for twenty people in four days. Basically a non problem. I wish I had problems like that instead I get my asshole screams at me makes me feel worthless alone and unable to change anything. It’s easier to watch a dumb tv show cause it’s so rediculously unreal. But reading about an actual real person is hard. Knowing that people have that perfect life where everything isn’t a constant struggle. It’s a reason I don’t like getting rid of things I struggled to get everything I have and hard to just give away something I struggled for. Like my shitty car I hate it he picked it out and I feel like it’s a lemon. The entire time I was afraid that I was going to miss payment and ruin my credit. Or it would be repoed I never missed a payment but the entire time still worried. I live in the country you really need a car to get around. I used to live in the suburbs before I would just walk or take bus car was nice but I really didn’t care. Of course my asshole would also say he’ll call people I have car payment with and tell them I don’t have insurance and it will be repoed. Yeah I’m shit speller. Fuck this is long and I’m rambling. Flicka dicka

Gifts

I hate Christmas. I hate having to go to people’s houses and opening gifts in front of them. I really don’t like opening gifts in front of people I’m not good at looking surprised or hidding the fact I don’t like something. I loathed doing it for baby showers and my daughter first birthday. I’m so glad she can do it herself. She also not good at hidding her dislike of her gifts. Last year her grandma got her clothes she liked most of them but one pair of pants she just looked at them and said “no” and handed them back. I hate buying gifts for people like I don’t know what the fuck to buy you. I told my asshole I didn’t know what to buy his mother I don’t know her she’s a stranger. He got annoyed and said you’ve know her for over five years. Why do people think that just because I know someone means I actually know anything about them. All I know is she hangs out with her sister a lot and that his family treats her shitty. Ok hears example she usually does holidays with her family but they left her out this year incase there kids come. I fucking highly doubt there kids came they never do. It’s like my brother in law my daughter asked what I was going to get him. I honestly wasn’t really planning on getting him anything he’s been in my family 18 years my niece just turned 17 only reason I know. But I don’t really know anything about him. He hangs out with my asshole sometimes and watched his baby yesterday but no don’t know anything about him. I really hate giving gifts I over think the shit about it. I sew and do many crafts but honestly hate giving anything I make to people as gift I feel like never enough. Makes me miss my mom she would just tell you exactly what she wanted. None of this anything is nice bullshit. Ok I know I say the same shit but that’s different I don’t like asking for anything or telling people what I like. Yeah I’m a fucking weirdo I know just feel like it’s so personal makes me feel exposed. I know that’s fucking strange but when you been a loner all your life you learn to keep shit to yourself. I also really don’t want anything I’m trying to declutter my house not get more shit. I’m just tired of shit I never use. I once got a sandwich maker I never used it once felt terrible but I don’t like gagets. I held on to it for three years. I felt bad about not wanting it it’s reason I hate gifts. We went to his mom’s on Thanksgiving and she made two pies they were good but I really don’t like sweets and didn’t want to take any as soon as I sad that I could tell she got really hurt and we end up taking half of the pie. I tried giving to my daughter she doesn’t want and my asshole doesn’t eat leftovers. Yeah isn’t that stupid. I did try eating the turkey it tasted gamey like how does it taste like this. Anyways have to idea what to get people fucking sucks.

Shit morning

Don’t you just hate waking up getting yelled at. No just me cause I’m the only one living with this much of an asshole. Woke up before him he seen me already awake and freak out what the fuck are you doing. I always want to be like I know you look at my internet history I look at craft bs, cooking, and mystery TV shows. The craziest I get on my phone is when I look up snl sketches. Here is a good one. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=F7o4oMKbStE honestly if shit don’t work I won’t be surprised. Sorry bro . Anyways while this asshole was being his asshole self he decided he going to turn off the internet so I cant watch tv or use internet. I have shitty internet on phone. Yeah life sucks. Then he decided to leave with our kid who knows where to. So fun. I hope other people don’t have to deal with an asshole like mine but honestly sometimes it would feel nice to know I’m not only one dealing with such an asshole. You know see a sister/brother in arms. We can get threw this shit. Fuck fucky Fuck

Arranged marriage

When I was younger I always thought an arranged marriage was crazy and some thing I would never do. Once my friend was talking to a really nice man. He was respectful and sweet and generous. Within a week she stopped talking to him and was talking to someone who was a total tool and asshole. Another time I was watching a TV show where a woman married an older man who was rich. He adorded her and treated her nice. Yet in the end she murdered him for his money. I don’t understand why they couldn’t just be with someone who treated them good and respected them. I might feel different because I’m with the biggest asshole there is but I would totally do an arranged marriage if they were nice and respectful. I really don’t care what someone looks like. I’ve meet many people who were seen as beautiful but to me they were the ugliest person. The way they acted and treated people was beyond cruel. I hate when people say we just fell in love. We didn’t plan it it happened what a load of shit. You know how you don’t fall in love or have an affair with someone you don’t talk to them. My sister has been with someone for eight years you know how many times I’ve talked to him alone probably less than ten. Even then I was watching there kids so was about them. I have never been alone with my assholes friends you know why cause he’s a creep and not my friend there is no need to ever be alone with them. It’s not hard to cheat people always act like I don’t know how it happened really I’m never accidentally fucking a stranger or anyone but my boyfriend. Like shit he doesn’t make me happy either but cheating isn’t going to help the situation. Why do people get with someone if there going to cheat. Like if you don’t want to do with your partner do it by yourself. Yep