Sometimes I feel like I’m depressed something happens and I won’t want to get out of bed. Other times I’ll be so motivated to do so much. I grew up when people who were described depressed where seen as weak. There’s still that stigma in my mind at least. I feel embarrassed to even say it. Then I think what do I have to be depressed about. I have an amazing daughter I’m able to do crafts and homeschool my daughter. So many other people have less there struggling to get by and struggle to feed there family. Then I think my asshole constantly is putting me down telling me I’m ugly, shitty,lazy, and crap mom. I hate to admit to some extent I agree with him. I never thought or felt attractive. Always feel as if I could do more for my daughter. I’ve always doubted myself it just hurts when someone shoves those doubts in my face. I tried pretending what he says don’t hurt but they always do. I always told him i very insecure about my appearance. Yet any time he gets mad it’s the very first thing he says. It shows and extreme lack of respect for a person when you shove the thing they hate about themselves the most in there face every chance you get. I look back on when we first got together and how completely different he is now. He use to be kind and compassionate, and love my personality. Honestly it seems like he doesn’t like anything about me. He hates my jokes, thinks I’m loud, talks down to me, makes fun of my body. Sometimes when I’m really down I think of what life will be like when we break up. I’ll be able to go were I want, cook what I want, do what I want. I wouldn’t have to explain what I’m doing on my phone to anyone. I won’t have to explain anything I do to anyone. But it’s hard to think when that will happen. I was close last year I had a great job I worked totally alone not amazing pay but enough to live on my own. Then covid fuck everyone and here I am without a job and very limited opportunities. Depressing when you think of the world today. Lame