What am I doing

I have so many thoughts. So many ideas. I want to plan to do so many things. I’m feeling so down and so unsure of everything. I’m not in the mood to do anything. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Seems like depression but I’m not even thinking about the future and that’s usually all I think about. My boyfriend is being so amazing and awesome but he’s just getting on my nerves. I don’t know why I just want to be alone. I don’t want to do anything or go anywhere. I try to do thinkmgs like go swimming and I just zone out and end up wanting to go back home to lay in bed. I got a job and it seemed nice and pay was better than last job. But just seemed like red flags in a pretty package. I know it’s dumb but I’m still upset about my other job. I really cared about my residents and am worried about them. I also don’t care because the people I worked under where shit and absolutely didn’t care. I just feel done for a bit in my field. Which kinda sucks because I think I should go to school for it but I don’t know. Should I it kind of sucks. It’s not free schooling. I just don’t know and I feel like I have absolutely no one to talk to about things. I probably do but I don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone about anything.

Unsure

I’m always so unsure of what I want to do. I got a job thank God. But know I’m thinking about going to school and I don’t know if I should go to a community college or a trade school. A community college I think would be cheaper in the end and I would be able to transfer credits. Why the hell don’t they actually tell you about this shit in school. Or tell you about options in school. All I new was college. I never thought about going because my family was broke as fuck and I didn’t know there was other options. It’s one of the many ways schools were letting us down. They also need to emphasize how to properly pick a career. In my school it was basically just do whatever not talk about if it’s suitable, if your going to be able to actually find a job, and what are schooling options. I could bitch forever about American schools they suck. I’ll complain about another time.

Shitty so far

Woke up to me getting yelled at for an hour. Was told I was fat, disgusting, lazy, and stupid. Im looking into going to school. But sometimes I just don’t want to do anything but lay in bed. I’m tired of fighting or being yelled at. I barely have the energy to deal with this asshole and then to add school. Then I think I can’t count on him and need to do something that will pay good. I talked to someone from one of the schools and she asked me why I wanted to go to school? Is this a dumb question or is it just me. Like obviously to continue my education to have an actual career and not just a job. What did she think I was going to say I like going into insane debt. Then at same time she acts like I should just jump into it. Like no I’m not going into debt on a whim. She acted like she really couldn’t care less as long as went there. Like it’s a lot of money for a school that might suck. I looked into a nursing school but read so many bad reviews that I’m like idk what’s point if it’s shitty school.