Another wonderful morning. Really hard to be sarcastic bitch when your crying. My asshole again was in a mood. Like a lot of times I pretended to be alseep so not have to deal with him. Clearly didn’t fucking work he spent what felt like hour breaking me down. What kind of woman am i. What kind of mom am I. What kind of girlfriend am i. The usual soul crushing demeaning talk. Couldn’t hold back my tears today. Hate it makes me feel like even more of a failure for crying in front of him. I felt my beyond alone helpless feeling I feel when he tears me down. Make me feel less than nothing. While I cried into my pillow as he torn me down I thought about giving away all my things selling the car I bought and only he drives for barely anything and leaving. But like always he loves to remind me I have no where to go. I tried my sister’s once fuck that sucked. Being told your a dumbass for staying with someone. Feeling like a failure because you couldn’t get your shitty relationship to work. Yeah I felt like failure. Then the asshole you tried to leave say just come back I’ll move out which of course he probably had no intention of doing. Then covid happen and you don’t have a job anymore. He was an asshole then but at least I had job I could go to everyday and just work. And I worked with no one so he finally couldn’t accuse me of cheating and withhold taking me to work. It was nice to get away from him. Its hard to want to do anything when he’s around always putting me down. I use to wonder how the fuck I got into such a shit relationship. I’ve always know it cause I was desperate never could admit it before but yeah. I just wanted someone that wanted me. 😭 I fucking hate emojis I never know wtf it is. But I guess that one cuts the seriousness of the shit going on.

Just got message he wants to know why we don’t ever do it anymore. Fucking wonder like seriously.