Pretty fucking sure I self sabotage any potential relationships. I absolutely don’t trust people. But then again should I. Basically a fucking stranger. Am I just supposed to basically trust a stranger. Am I supposed to build trust. People lie and hide things for a long time. I want to believe people when they tell me things. But then I think why the hell would I. I was having a good night the other night then someone randomly messaged and said some off the wall shit. Then not even twenty minutes later someone else tells me some off the wall shit. Ok yes one was my ex and he never seems to be finished trying to hurt me. And yes I’m going to make an excuse for the other one he was drunk. Apparently wasted but either way the fuck. Just feel like people have no respect for me. What am I doing that people don’t give a shit about me. Random I think I’m done with people talking to me like shit. Especially on the fucking guise of a joke. Fuck that shit. I deserve more than that. Yes maybe I’m a little messy and not good at finishing one thing before I go on to another. But I know I’m kinda great. Especially in a relationship. I’m a person that gives all I can, loves unconditionally, and constantly tries to make the person I’m with happy. I’m done fucking around so post this random shit.
Tag: shit
Idk
I’m finally away from my asshole ex. Life is good. I’m talking to people but I honestly don’t trust myself not to date an asshole again. Like I love my apartment, love living alone, like my job. But I know I want someone. I want a relationship with someone I trust and care about. The only problem is I know I fall for someone easily. I don’t trust myself to find someone worth it. I already semi fell for someone who was an epic asshole. He barely had anything I liked about him. He smelled good, he had intense eyes and he slapped my ass hard and hot. Yet he had a laundry list of things wrong with him. Legit a huge damn list. Yet I was upset when he stopped talking to me why? I don’t know, I really make no sense. Dude was such an asshole and we only had good time when we cuddled. We went out it was bad and awkward as fuck. I randomly read one of my old post and I’m such a dork it’s hilarious. I always hear that people don’t change but that’s such bullshit. I use to hide everything about myself. Small little things that don’t matter at all to huge shit. Now I honestly couldn’t care less. I’ll tell anyone besides my coworkers. Cause fuck that none of there business. Ill answer any questions dudes ask me I couldn’t care less. I’m tired and should try to sleep. Even know I got to get up in a couple hours. Random thought I want the clapper. Fuck Alexa I want to clap for my light. Not ask some computer chick to turn it on and off. Ok night bitches. This tired hoe is out.
Shit relationship
Every damn time it happens I’m someone suprised yet also expecting it. I just took my daughter to a class and we got food and we’re going to go to a park to eat and play. We get to park and it’s gravel parking lot with no lines and no other cars. He pulls in then has to back in for some reason. I just just park already and he instantly gets mad and puts me down. Calling me fat ass and saying he’s ready to leave. I just sit down and start eating. He continues to put me down my daughter finishes her fries and goes and plays on playground. I make sure the slides are dry and hug her and go back to eating. He then starts saying I’m using my child as a pawn. What kind of fucked up person thinks this of the person there with. What the fuck is wrong with him. Apparently me hugging my daughter before she plays is me using her as a pawn. I really loathe that he has to say this in front of her. I hate him having absolutely no respect for me or my feelings. No respect no respect at all.
Confused?
This jackass treats me like shit then is shocked I don’t want to spend time with him. Like how the fuck are you shocked. You stupid asshole are you this delusional that you think your being nice when you make me cry. Fuck you, you ass hat of a human being. Go suck a dirty dick you sack of garbage and die.
Wtf people
ter·ror·ist
- a person who uses unlawful violence and intimidation, especially against civilians, in the pursuit of political aims.
Yesterday was a sad day not only for American’s but for all people. Terrorist who attacked the capitol building apparently with the hope to show the election wasn’t stolen. Ok so to prove something were going to completely ignore all the evidence and destroy government property. Inflicting fear into people just doing there jobs. Then act like bunch of jackass’s going through people’s offices and taking pictures of yourself. This was not a protest. This was terrorist trying to get there way. You know what a protest is when they had sit ins and sat at white chairs and got attacked and didn’t move. Attending an all white school as a black child so others can. Destruction is not a act of protest. It is an act of terrorism. Every thing has gone over again and again nothing was stolen. You destroying something to somehow show it was stolen is the most rediculous immature thing to do. I have an insane about of shit in my life that is sucks I’m not going to cry and whine about it and destroy things. Suck it up and deal with it. Shame on those people for doing that.
pro·test·er
- a person who publicly demonstrates strong objection to something; a demonstrator
I really would like to know there thought process. We’re going to destroy shit and tell them it’s stolen. There going to be your right where ignoring the votes completely and he can continue his bullshit. Did they think people would be proud of them. Or that people would praise there heroic efforts. Sorry but you didn’t do anything good. You put lives in danger because you didn’t agree with something. In the words of Saturday night live when you watch Titanic you think your rose but you Billy Zane.
Shit life is exhausting
Every time after an argument with my asshole I’m exhausted and upset and just want to hide and be alone. But him he watches funny movie, goes to visit his friends and does whatever he wants to do. Today he just takes our daughter and leaves to go idk where hopefully just to see his mom but who knows not me. I’m a big believer in noone is winning in a argument. The very fact that it got that fart that your talking down to people and making them this upset that they cry themselves to sleep is bad. Yet it always seems like he won. He’s always willing to argue about anything until he thinks he won. Never after an argument is he upset or in tears he just go on with his day. I hate how he’s the only one with endless freedom. He can spend what he wants on anything. He can leave at anytime or come home at anytime. If he wants to do anything he just does it. I’m allowed to cook what I want as long as he likes it. I get third degree when I take out garbage. I didn’t think my life was that great before I meet him but now I think how stupid I was to give it away. In the beginning I just always thought Im not used to being with someone and can’t be selfish so I would but his needs ahead of mine. Now everything is about what he wants. He got me absolutely nothing for Christmas and he kept making the excuse that he was broke. But Christmas doesn’t pop up on random day you knew was coming. It’s not a surprise. Before Christmas he was able to buy rediculous little robot for basically himself, always had shit to smoke, and went out to eat multiple times. Not one time did he look at something to get me or ask what I would want. He did same thing with his mom I tried so hard to make sure to get her things she would like and make her things she hopefully liked. And he just thought about shit on Christmas Eve after he got his shit.
Fucking shit
Ok let’s me bitch about home schooling. Nothing like going over shit for hole page and she does it correctly the entire time until she gets to the last question. I don’t know how many times she has completely forgotten everything we done. I swear sometimes she acts like she’s completely clueless unless im giving her all of my attention. It’s so aggravating dealing with her some times. Really didn’t help her father tell her she doesn’t have to listen to me. Who would of fucking thought telling a child to not to listen to her mother would fucking not help. Sweet baby fuck one of the stupidest shit he’s said to her. She used to do her school work everyday no problem. Now like fucking nightmare some days. And absolutely no surprise he doesn’t try to get her to do anything after saying such stupid shit. I have to say every fucking thing like seven times to get anyone to hear anything. They hear nothing unless I yell then bitch I yell. Fuck I got to say shit seven times and then yell. Listen the first time. Shit
Finally a normal sleep schedule
Holly shit I finally did it. I’m on a normal sleep schedule. Go to bed at normal time and wake up early it’s fucking awesome. I get so much done. Other day I made homemade flour tortillas for quesdillas. Went to the store today and so fucking busy miss shopping in empty store. Why do people need to stand four feet away to look at shit. Like always I forgot shit. I keep getting rid of shit but it’s like shit pop ups out of nowhere. Get rid of ton of stuff but next day same amount of shit there. Tired of having things I don’t use. Get rid of all this BS then hopefully the asshole next.
Woke up to another shitty day
Woke up after working all day making my daughter pj pants I made her two pair and six pairs for my niece. Was excited to keep working on new things and get yelled at that I’m lazy and he hates my fat ass. Yeah so that’s my morning. Rewatching arrested development to put in better mood. It’s halarious and nice to know not only person with shitty family.
Gaslight
I watched a therapist review of the movie tangled and they talked about glaslighting. It was the first time I ever heard of it but when they explained it I was like well shit that’s my relationship. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that’s seen in abusive relationships. It’s the act of manipulating a person by forcing them to question their thoughts, memories, and the events occurring around them. A victim of gaslighting can be pushed so far that they question their own sanity. So fucked up but this is exactly what my asshole does. The stupidest thing he is willing to argue and argue about after a certain amount of time I start to think he must be right who is willing to argue so long about something so mundane and insignificant if there wrong. I must be wrong I barely even care. Even before that I always doubt myself and unless I’m like overly sure about something I won’t say anything. I have to be beyond positive to say things out loud. So when he argues so passionately about something I eventually just except I’m wrong. I don’t know how my shit relationship got this far. I use to be very independent I had two jobs I paid all my bills I took bus did what I want and talked to who I wanted to. Now jobless can’t go anywhere without him and he acts like I’m incapable of doing anything without him. He acts like my little brain is too small to deal with day to day life. I hate how when I worked people always thought I was some badass who didn’t take anyone’s shit but most days I was barely getting by trying not to cry. Nothing like getting screamed at while getting dropped off at work that breaks you down. When my daughter was first born I worked and he didn’t the entire time. I let him do whatever he wanted he had to stay home with our daughter so if he wanted to go out everyday as soon as I got home that was fine. I never told him he was worthless or doing shit job. I also never disconnected the internet or didn’t pay for his phone bill. But anytime he does he always acts like it’s justified he would have to if I’d listen. I don’t understand how people justify treating people like shit. Every time I was shitty to someone I felt horrible later and it weighted heavy on my mind. Fuck I over think a lot of shit I done or said for years. Any time I ever said something stupid or hurtful. He says things and a second later forgot what he said. I just feel like I give so much and get nothing but pain. Done for now errrr
shit life 