This jackass treats me like shit then is shocked I don’t want to spend time with him. Like how the fuck are you shocked. You stupid asshole are you this delusional that you think your being nice when you make me cry. Fuck you, you ass hat of a human being. Go suck a dirty dick you sack of garbage and die.
Tag: stuck
Crushed
I had some hope about changing my life but my jackass reminded me he not going to let it happen easily. Already told me not taking me to work. I told him yeah eventually I’m going to move out because I don’t like to feel like I’m hiding shit. I especially don’t like to be accused of it. He’s in other room laughing at funny videos. I just want out of this shit. I fucking hate this. Already exhausted and just want to sleep. So shitty I new he would do this anything he had to stop me from getting away. He’s not working and I’m not working but he doesn’t care he says I should get job working at store I like. I told him I wouldn’t make enough. Just another way of keeping me put. Working a job that would just barely pay my bills. Yeah that’s what I want to do.
Ok what the fuck I’m still fucking awake. Non-stop thinking about fucking everything and anything. So figured my family kinda selfish, asshole is a asshole and inconsiderate, the bs friends I had sucked always. Also fuck my family goes for shitty people. Like we pick shitty people they treat us shitty and we have disappointing life of shitty times. Fuck when I stay up late thinking this is what happens. I fucking over think everything and regret every decision I’ve ever made. I mean I already regret everything but usually I’m not thinking of other shit. Other day I reminded asshole how I don’t want to be with him. As soon I said it I regretted it. Why who fucking knows he treats me like shit and never considers me. Yet I felt bad I should of kept to myself I know I don’t want to be with him I don’t need to shove in his face. I fucking hate it I reget everything and way over think. My dad’s birthday other day and I knew and remembered and seen him but I can’t say happy birthday to him I don’t know it’s too personal and I’m weird about saying shit. If you had birthday when I knew you I remembered but just never said anything cause I didn’t think we were close enough to say shit. Yeah fucking weirdo I know. Was one guy I work with I knew his birthday was coming up was probably only person I ever said happy birthday to without someone else saying it first. I even hugged him and I’m not a hugger. I basically only hug my daughter and nieces and nephews. Miss that guy always talked to me like person. It was nice. I always feel like got shitty life because something I’ve done. To be continued……
Proof
You know your with a dumbass when him finding a empty large gas station mountain dew is proof of you cheating. No dumbass it’s proof of my laziness. I loved mountain dew that shit is my life nectar. It probably been on my noght side table for two weeks. It’s like when you keep seeing something that you need to pick up but just keep ignoring it. Like a shirt that fell off a hanger. You didn’t pick it up so long it’s like it belongs there. You call it Micheal and continue not picking it up. Then when you finally do your like what’s different. So yeah this idiot thinks what someone came here and left pop can while he was gone. I don’t like talking to people let alone having someone over. Life with a dumbass just gets stupider everyday.
I am such a dork
Ever since I started my bs blog ived gotten notifications about likes and people following. Not going to lie at first it was annoying so turned it off on my phone. But I word look at the notifications on my app. It was nice to know people where interested in what I was saying. Not a lot of people but to know there was any one who liked what I had to say was nice. Other day I didn’t get any notifications and how dare you people. I’m kidding but I did have a mini moment where I felt alone again. Made me realize how much I like being able to say what I need to say. I always thought talking about it was bullshit. But it really helps me to write down and talk about all the bullshit I have to deal with on a daily basis. I tried reading some other peoples blog but them talking about how much there husband is there for them made me more depressed. Which is weird cause I do like a show where everything is perfect and there problems are usually like i have to throw party for twenty people in four days. Basically a non problem. I wish I had problems like that instead I get my asshole screams at me makes me feel worthless alone and unable to change anything. It’s easier to watch a dumb tv show cause it’s so rediculously unreal. But reading about an actual real person is hard. Knowing that people have that perfect life where everything isn’t a constant struggle. It’s a reason I don’t like getting rid of things I struggled to get everything I have and hard to just give away something I struggled for. Like my shitty car I hate it he picked it out and I feel like it’s a lemon. The entire time I was afraid that I was going to miss payment and ruin my credit. Or it would be repoed I never missed a payment but the entire time still worried. I live in the country you really need a car to get around. I used to live in the suburbs before I would just walk or take bus car was nice but I really didn’t care. Of course my asshole would also say he’ll call people I have car payment with and tell them I don’t have insurance and it will be repoed. Yeah I’m shit speller. Fuck this is long and I’m rambling. Flicka dicka
Talking
One of the shitty things about my life how completely fucking alone I feel always. I know I am a loner by heart but any of the times I ever tried to talk to someone I always 100% regretted it. First time my asshole came screaming to my job made huge scene was very embarrassed,ashamed and upset. I’m a very private person I don’t like to share anything. He’ll I’ve worked with people for months and they never knew my name. I like to keep work and life completely separate. Like Ived have people who would call me there work wife but they didn’t know anything about me. Anyways back to bull he screamed at me screamed at my pregnant boss. Everyone acted very supportive and concerned. The next day completely different everyone completely ignored me,made sure not to talk to me and had shit ton o work waiting for me when I got there. Was like that till I quit. Next time I tried to talk to someone about it they acted very nice and supportive. Then pretty much walked away and made fun of me and talked a bunch of shit. So don’t really talk about it with people anymore. Better off less drama well at work anyway. Always felt like people looked down on me when they knew. I rather them know nothing. Woo fun times
Side note I don’t know about the titles like always seem stupid. It’s much more like a diary people can read. Well me it is.
Let the whining beginning
It wouldn’t be life with an asshole if he didn’t constantly wake up with a bitchy aditude. First thing he wakes up flips out about some stupid shit I tried opossuming it didn’t work. Like always this asshole is relentless and willing to endlessly argue about the most mundane igsnificate thing. It’s never good to respond because he with twist anything you say and then harp on it for an hour. I tried different tactics I tried reasoning no didn’t work. I tried explaining no still didn’t work just harps on that bullshit. I tried ignoring no this bat shit crazy asshole with just argue with himself. Like he’s actually talking to me. He gets really into to it. Got to do his mocking voice and imitating me. Then he gets loud and then quite cause he’s not yelling. He also gets really close in you face you don’t even need to respond cause he’s just going to yell and basically spit on you. Yeah shake my head. Couple times I even agreed with whatever he was saying he just yelled as much. The effort he puts into having an argument is insane. Then when he’s done he acts like everything is fine. Like I don’t have fucking amnesia you asshole. I still don’t want to be by you. The only thing that’s gotten better is he use to bring up shit from years ago like I just fucking did it like really. Dealing with him makes me exhausted. Sometimes I just go to sleep because my dreams are better than my life. Real fucked up. Ok rant complete I made crepes.
Plans
Fucking no point for me to make plans ever. I can ass my asshole if he planning on doing anything he just says no nothing at all. Ok I’m going to take bath, clean and sew. Yeah I’m weird I like getting clean to clean I don’t get it either but gets me in mood. I take bath then all the sudden he says lets go get food. Ok let’s go we go as getting food says I got to go get my check. Ok do that been an fucking hour. Now he wants to go pickup his jacket he left at friends. Ok fine we’ll do that since we’re fifteen minutes away. So we go he goes in he’s inside for over thirty minutes while I wait in the car. Just picking up a jacket. Then he cons me into going to his other friends house so he can check out his boat. His friends are shitty not surprising assholes travel in packs. Ok end up staying at his friends house where they completely ignore the fact they have two kids and it’s basically me only one around the kids. So about six hours later finally getting home. I don’t get to do what I planned on doing I basically just sat waiting for someone all day. This shit happens all the time. When I don’t want to go he’ll complain for legit fucking hours. If I still won’t go he’ll put off till I will go. The man acts like he can’t do shit unless I’m there. Its been years and still don’t get this shit. I usually rather do shit by myself. Fucking people end of rant
Another depressing day
Another wonderful morning. Really hard to be sarcastic bitch when your crying. My asshole again was in a mood. Like a lot of times I pretended to be alseep so not have to deal with him. Clearly didn’t fucking work he spent what felt like hour breaking me down. What kind of woman am i. What kind of mom am I. What kind of girlfriend am i. The usual soul crushing demeaning talk. Couldn’t hold back my tears today. Hate it makes me feel like even more of a failure for crying in front of him. I felt my beyond alone helpless feeling I feel when he tears me down. Make me feel less than nothing. While I cried into my pillow as he torn me down I thought about giving away all my things selling the car I bought and only he drives for barely anything and leaving. But like always he loves to remind me I have no where to go. I tried my sister’s once fuck that sucked. Being told your a dumbass for staying with someone. Feeling like a failure because you couldn’t get your shitty relationship to work. Yeah I felt like failure. Then the asshole you tried to leave say just come back I’ll move out which of course he probably had no intention of doing. Then covid happen and you don’t have a job anymore. He was an asshole then but at least I had job I could go to everyday and just work. And I worked with no one so he finally couldn’t accuse me of cheating and withhold taking me to work. It was nice to get away from him. Its hard to want to do anything when he’s around always putting me down. I use to wonder how the fuck I got into such a shit relationship. I’ve always know it cause I was desperate never could admit it before but yeah. I just wanted someone that wanted me. 😠I fucking hate emojis I never know wtf it is. But I guess that one cuts the seriousness of the shit going on.
Just got message he wants to know why we don’t ever do it anymore. Fucking wonder like seriously.
Generous?
Today after my asshole was his usual asshole self. He decided to get food but like always he doesn’t think to ask me what I would want he just decided for me. Of course I don’t want it I don’t like it. He always does this he never asks what I might actually want he just decides for me and every time I’m like who the fuck you get this for cause I don’t like this shit. I don’t like McDonald’s at all yet he always gets it like is he getting it to be asshole. He does this with everything. Jewelry is nice and all but not for me I don’t wear it or want it. But what does he get me a necklace this is after I told him don’t ever buy me jewelry. Every time he does it he always acts like I’m so generous. Yeah real generous giving someone something they don’t want or like.
shit life 