Errr

I have so many things planned and so many things I want to do. I have some days of so hopefully can get them done. Ever just start something an end up making huge mess. Stuff everywhere some of it done but not all of it. I tried to just finish something but end up seen a laundry list of other things I need to do. I need to organize so bad. My one room is a mess. I got containers for organizing it but idk if I’ll get to it. We can hope.

Ok what the fuck I’m still fucking awake. Non-stop thinking about fucking everything and anything. So figured my family kinda selfish, asshole is a asshole and inconsiderate, the bs friends I had sucked always. Also fuck my family goes for shitty people. Like we pick shitty people they treat us shitty and we have disappointing life of shitty times. Fuck when I stay up late thinking this is what happens. I fucking over think everything and regret every decision I’ve ever made. I mean I already regret everything but usually I’m not thinking of other shit. Other day I reminded asshole how I don’t want to be with him. As soon I said it I regretted it. Why who fucking knows he treats me like shit and never considers me. Yet I felt bad I should of kept to myself I know I don’t want to be with him I don’t need to shove in his face. I fucking hate it I reget everything and way over think. My dad’s birthday other day and I knew and remembered and seen him but I can’t say happy birthday to him I don’t know it’s too personal and I’m weird about saying shit. If you had birthday when I knew you I remembered but just never said anything cause I didn’t think we were close enough to say shit. Yeah fucking weirdo I know. Was one guy I work with I knew his birthday was coming up was probably only person I ever said happy birthday to without someone else saying it first. I even hugged him and I’m not a hugger. I basically only hug my daughter and nieces and nephews. Miss that guy always talked to me like person. It was nice. I always feel like got shitty life because something I’ve done. To be continued……

Love these

I don’t care how old I get I fucking love these lunchables. I probably will always eat them. There are just some things from your childhood that really stick with you. Food wise this is one of mine. You ever go back to some show you used to watch when you were younger and absolutely hate it. I tried watching Austin Powers and that shit is beyond terrible. Honestly rewatching sex and the city is hard like fuck you Carrie. Go Miranda she’s a badass and love Steve. Even know I usually don’t like people named Steve. I’m a big believer of names usually tell the person character. Like most Nick’s Mike’s are assholes. Brittany is an annoying person. Nicole’s don’t give a shit. Smores are still good but so sweet I can only eat one. I don’t know but lately I been wanting to change things in my life. I thought only little changes for the better but the more I think the more I’m like fuck that I want to change most everything about my life. My car,move,go to school, maybe different state or out of America.

Proof

You know your with a dumbass when him finding a empty large gas station mountain dew is proof of you cheating. No dumbass it’s proof of my laziness. I loved mountain dew that shit is my life nectar. It probably been on my noght side table for two weeks. It’s like when you keep seeing something that you need to pick up but just keep ignoring it. Like a shirt that fell off a hanger. You didn’t pick it up so long it’s like it belongs there. You call it Micheal and continue not picking it up. Then when you finally do your like what’s different. So yeah this idiot thinks what someone came here and left pop can while he was gone. I don’t like talking to people let alone having someone over. Life with a dumbass just gets stupider everyday.

Sleep schedule

I cannot get in regular sleep schedule. I don’t know what the hell. Anytime I try to reset my schedule it never works. Other day up all night and day and went to bed around nine I woke up at one like what the hell. Same shit yesterday I tried going to bed later like almost 11 I woke up at three been up since. It sucks being up all night. I can’t make any noise I basically just watch videos on my phone it’s boring. I been trying to sell shit online it is horrible. Even when I try to give shit away for free people just flake out. What is wrong with people I tried to give shit away and had over ten people message me all said would pick up then they flake out. If anyone was offering me something I wanted I would be there. Being up all the time I’ve notice some weird shit about my shitty neighbors. My one nieghbors only ever make noises at three in the morning to fight for hour. My lower neighbor only seems to make noise when he thinks we’re asleep. Like seriously as soon as we get quite he blast very repetitive music like same three notes for an hour. Also in ever hear anyone having sex not like I want to but most of my nieghbors are in relationships. Are people just having silent sex. Like how do you not make any noises. Also people must shower as soon as I get in shower. I took shower other night at three thirty but still someone instantly starting using water. So fuck it Im switching to baths. Now I watch videos in the tub. So suck it water stalkers now I take a hour long bath. It’s fucking awesome.

Talking

One of the shitty things about my life how completely fucking alone I feel always. I know I am a loner by heart but any of the times I ever tried to talk to someone I always 100% regretted it. First time my asshole came screaming to my job made huge scene was very embarrassed,ashamed and upset. I’m a very private person I don’t like to share anything. He’ll I’ve worked with people for months and they never knew my name. I like to keep work and life completely separate. Like Ived have people who would call me there work wife but they didn’t know anything about me. Anyways back to bull he screamed at me screamed at my pregnant boss. Everyone acted very supportive and concerned. The next day completely different everyone completely ignored me,made sure not to talk to me and had shit ton o work waiting for me when I got there. Was like that till I quit. Next time I tried to talk to someone about it they acted very nice and supportive. Then pretty much walked away and made fun of me and talked a bunch of shit. So don’t really talk about it with people anymore. Better off less drama well at work anyway. Always felt like people looked down on me when they knew. I rather them know nothing. Woo fun times

Side note I don’t know about the titles like always seem stupid. It’s much more like a diary people can read. Well me it is.

Plans

Fucking no point for me to make plans ever. I can ass my asshole if he planning on doing anything he just says no nothing at all. Ok I’m going to take bath, clean and sew. Yeah I’m weird I like getting clean to clean I don’t get it either but gets me in mood. I take bath then all the sudden he says lets go get food. Ok let’s go we go as getting food says I got to go get my check. Ok do that been an fucking hour. Now he wants to go pickup his jacket he left at friends. Ok fine we’ll do that since we’re fifteen minutes away. So we go he goes in he’s inside for over thirty minutes while I wait in the car. Just picking up a jacket. Then he cons me into going to his other friends house so he can check out his boat. His friends are shitty not surprising assholes travel in packs. Ok end up staying at his friends house where they completely ignore the fact they have two kids and it’s basically me only one around the kids. So about six hours later finally getting home. I don’t get to do what I planned on doing I basically just sat waiting for someone all day. This shit happens all the time. When I don’t want to go he’ll complain for legit fucking hours. If I still won’t go he’ll put off till I will go. The man acts like he can’t do shit unless I’m there. Its been years and still don’t get this shit. I usually rather do shit by myself. Fucking people end of rant

Arranged marriage

When I was younger I always thought an arranged marriage was crazy and some thing I would never do. Once my friend was talking to a really nice man. He was respectful and sweet and generous. Within a week she stopped talking to him and was talking to someone who was a total tool and asshole. Another time I was watching a TV show where a woman married an older man who was rich. He adorded her and treated her nice. Yet in the end she murdered him for his money. I don’t understand why they couldn’t just be with someone who treated them good and respected them. I might feel different because I’m with the biggest asshole there is but I would totally do an arranged marriage if they were nice and respectful. I really don’t care what someone looks like. I’ve meet many people who were seen as beautiful but to me they were the ugliest person. The way they acted and treated people was beyond cruel. I hate when people say we just fell in love. We didn’t plan it it happened what a load of shit. You know how you don’t fall in love or have an affair with someone you don’t talk to them. My sister has been with someone for eight years you know how many times I’ve talked to him alone probably less than ten. Even then I was watching there kids so was about them. I have never been alone with my assholes friends you know why cause he’s a creep and not my friend there is no need to ever be alone with them. It’s not hard to cheat people always act like I don’t know how it happened really I’m never accidentally fucking a stranger or anyone but my boyfriend. Like shit he doesn’t make me happy either but cheating isn’t going to help the situation. Why do people get with someone if there going to cheat. Like if you don’t want to do with your partner do it by yourself. Yep

I’m a big freaking dork

Yeah I’m a dork and not ashamed to say it. I’m alot of things a nerd, introvert,crafty, people hating antique loving weirdo person. It’s better to just accepted it and move on. I know I’m weird because I love to eat a BBQ sandwich. Sounds good until you hear it’s just bbq sauce and bread. I love eating it randomly not all the time but probably once a month. I like it with Montgomery bbq sauce which is the best. Screw those brain washed people it’s not sweet baby Ray’s. Sucks only place I can find it is Walmart or overpriced online and I’m a cheapo won’t pay that shit. But god the more I don’t deal with people the more annoying I find them. What is with these people who shove there cart in the middle of the aisle then wonder around with can. I look back at my time working as a cashier and I don’t see how I did it. I had people dump there kids in front of my register and leave to shop. Ok probably worst cause I worked at thrift store. This was before it was cool to thrift shop yeah I’m old. People use to destroy the fitting rooms like they where on a mission from God. I didn’t have to deal with this but hear about it for days afterwards someone legit pooped on the floor in the middle of an aisle. Like wtf is wrong with people we had open bathrooms. I was a good employee I always was working but I was also a horrible employee. They only wanted to give people under 25 hours and paying minimum wage. I honestly only took job because I lived across road and was before my other job. I’m a pretty good worker as I am constantly working but if people asked me to lower price or for discount I would I didn’t care. I would lower price if was really damaged but people wanted it anyways to make something out of I’d give it to them. i don’t see how there going to charge so much for when they got it for free. We constantly had kids volunteering there was no benefits paid nothing and got treated shitty. Don’t treat employees like shit and expect them to care. Again end up talking about different subject entirely. So I’ll chuck deuce’s and end it here.